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And the spanish and french-speakers have just been very, very forgiving of me. When I was practicing "immersion learning" in last year, I kept trying to say "I'm hungry" (yo tengo hambre) , but as it turns out I was saying "I have -" (yo tengo hombre) imagine the stunned silence and subsequent laughter for a moment, and imagine my red face because I was really quite enthusiastic about saying it (I loves my food!). I've now learned the difference between the A-sound and the O-sound! (I totally need to buy some learning new languages CDs and get studying. On a serious note, I've been horribly embarrased when I've traveled to countries that speak other languages, and the natives there speak english in addition to other languages, and I really only know english. I wish that our education system really encouraged bi- and multi-lingual studies the way other countries do.) horney people DowneyI've read the stream here and she has a history w/ depression and meds. In addition to having the actual clinical condition, I suspect she also has some of the acquired behaviour habits of people who suffer from depression, meaning that she can be passive, sit back and let others take charge and get things done. Totally understand you feeling resentment. I think its impt that you let her know not only are there terrible inequities, but you've really begun to resent her for not generating. For two weeks, keep a list of all the activities you do in the home. don't list her activities, list yours. Then take some time to reflect on this list yourself before talking with her about it. If you aren't getting enough time to take care of yourself, YOU need to put that in. Resentment is when we give more than we have to give. YOU need to make adjustments in what you give. And you need to have honest, authentic dialogue with her about what you want and need from her. Give her a list of items that you want her to manage on-goingly. Not like a demand, but a request for partnership. Also, schedule time for you and her to do things together. Even if it's a walk in the park. You gotta reinvent your roles otherwise they become to restrictive. Lastly, you haven't said it, but it's in the space with her history of depression. If she is depressed, empower her to get a good therapist and a good psychiatrist and get on meds. Make diet, nutrition, exercise adjustments, etc. The problem isn't lack of info it's using the info we already have. I'm betting she knows exactly what to do to manage her depression. About you being passive, I invite you to take on new ways of being like being bold and self expressed inside your relationship. Take on being her partner and you'll likely find a good partner. You'll find the partner you married and had a with. All the best, beautiful dating
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