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There are a lot of mental, emotional, territorial, financial, social, adjustments to be made. It can back up on a person because that's a lot to handle. I think there are also a lot of strong intentions and notions that people put on their marriage, consciously or otherwise. People also their husband/wife in a serious light. It's easy for everything to be all laughs when you're just dating and who the hell cares if you break up. The fights you are having are normal growing pains type of stuff. Your descriptions of the fights and conversations sound like at least one of you isn't really listening and is instead already off and running with logic/scenario a,b, or c and thinking of the next thing that person wants to say. Instead of just listening. Try just dealing with the cold hard facts of the situation instead of assuming ANYTHING. don't leap to any conclusions. Just let things be and give each other the benefit of the doubt that neither of you are doing anything hurtful to the other one (because that is most likely the case.) Try saying less out loud and giving neutral responses. You need to dial down the atmosphere at your house. You also need to take the divorce word off the table. The problems you are describing with your husband are not divorce material. So it's entirely unfair to bring up divorce, and it's really mean. Cheaters, abusers, addicts, and people who totally quit on their spouse, are people that are divorce material. You and your husband just have some communication issues with confusing misunderstandings thrown. So cut down the bullshit, stop the expectations and assumptions leading to butthurtedness and just let situations be what they are.. Keep in mind that 90% of the shit you worry about NEVER happens.. Remember to also lead with your heart, you're supposed to each other, not think nasty things about each other. Lead by example on that front. married couple seeking 3 way with female Saas-Grund
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