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Imagine the most horrible thing that has ever happened to you in your life happening to you again. I believe that I have some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. I spent most of my 20s just casually dating, with only a couple of short-term boyfriends. They seemed nice, but they were addicts. Probably a lot of what I saw as "nice" was them in an altered state. I was 28 when I met the last guy. We met online. He was younger than I was and I was attracted to his youthful optimism. When I said I was afraid to get serious with a younger guy (or any guy) he said "sooner or later, something's gotta work out." I was "betting on potential." He was bright and seemed mature, so I figured he just needed a new start. I told him he didn't belong in Memphis because his mindset was more like that of a Californian. After we'd known each other for several months, He impulsively bought a one-way ticket to California. Being the caregiving codependent whatever it is, I assumed he just needed someone to show him how to accomplish his goals. I didn't realize his goal, to the extent he had one, was to just out and mooch off of me. A few months after he moved here I experienced the first of what would be back injuries. I was also diagnosed with a chronic health condition that mimics a tumor. I was unable to walk, my vision became impaired and I developed chronic nerve pain. This guy literally had to tie my shoes for me and physiy prop me up if I needed to walk 10 feet. I became extremely dependent on him. I needed him to be my arms and legs. Eventually I did regain the ability to walk but I still have damaged vision and nerve pain and can't lift anything. I can't do things like take out the trash or groceries. My ability to drive is limited because I have very poor depth perception. Although he never acknowledge it, I believe he basiy took advantage of my poor health. He saw it as a key to do whatever he pleased, provided he cooked, drove and lifted heavy objects. He wore his mask of "perfect guy" for years. It was happenstance that I discovered a lot of things about him that he hid from me. So that's the bottom line. I'm too trusting of "nice" people because I can't comprehend evil. Boynton Beach Florida lesbian dating
i don't have a book title for you (though SM isn't a bad place to start: ) but i have some suggestions for things to do with the contents of your bag: ~eye mask- have a partner wear it and play a game of 'what am i touching you with'. out of their site, assemble various things that would be interesting to feel- ice cubes, a feather (the duster in the bag would be good for this!), something semi-sharp (like a fork, lightly drag it across their skin) different materials. ~blow up pillow- use it under your hips with your partner on top (or the other way around) and have them grab the handles for maximum thrust ~tape- is it like duct tape or the plastic-y bondage tape? use it over your mouth, nipples, to bind your wrists/ankles ~feather duster- use to tickle! use the handle as a dildo? ~small leather whip- this is really self explanatory- use to whip or have someone whip you (practice on a pillow first, they aren't THAT hard to get the of but a little practice is always a good thing). ~velcro w/ suction cups- use to restrain someone to a window or smooth doorway, require them to not struggle too much though i would imagine. ~material w/ handle-this is probably a fuck handle. use it like the blow up pillow, or have the person on the bottom loop it around the one on top (also great for doggie style). ~paddle- umm spank someone with it? or have them spank you? practice same as with whip. ~candle- great for both setting the mood and dripping on skin (try dripping candle from different heights, the farther away the cooler the wax. have the pourer try it on themselves before pouring on the receiver to gauge what they're dealing with. don't use if it's a beeswax candle, they burn too hot, and darker or scented candles can be hotter as well). ~ collar w/ ball ball gag- place ball in mouth, buckle straps behind head. ~vibe- do i really have to tell you how to use this? ~lube- ditto looking for a piece to tag after workUm, the reason for drinking isn't ICU. Usually it's drama between her and her sisters fighting over the mother and the possible inheritence they get. Furthermore, "beat up" emotionally not physiy. Mainly a lack of emotional support than anything. She can't not trust and depend on me to just tell her it's ok. I usually tell her they are a bunch of hillbillies and she should quit talking to them. So take an f-ing chill pill. I you have some issues going on in your life with your mother. Coping is tough. You are right though, if she doesn't get comfort through other things like her husband, she probably continue to drink. BUT, people don't drink when they have a problem. Right now I wish I was drinking. I stopped drinking when I saw how it can effect a relationship and wanted her to quit. So, I'm going through hell right now. Confused about life. Remorseful for not handling daily life better. Wanting to crawl in a hole and die. AND I AM NOT DRINKING ONE DROP or drugging. If you drink to mask problems, you have a bigger problem than you realize. I be weak right now, but not stupid. fat woman xxx
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