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Hey all, My wife wants a divorce, because I'm not a good listener, I guess. She's always expected me to "read into" what she says, instead of coming out and saying it. And she's not going to change her mind. She's too stubborn! Anyway, she's gone ahead and filed, and now I've got myself an atty. Problem is, we have 3 and I'm afraid that my support keep me living barebones and eating out of a can. There's been no infidelity on my part (can't say for certain hers) she does have a new 'friend' but if I believe what she says (should I dare?) then he's clueless and harmless, at the same time and nothing has really happened. We share a house together which I'm going to let her live in for the next 24 months (or less) in order to finish the projects we have started, because she has a roommate (him) ready to move in and offer an exceptional amount of rent just to get out of mom dad's house. Since I don't have a roommate lined up and can't seem to find one very fast and can't afford to keep the house AND finish the projects, it seems as if she's going to get to stay in the house. My first question is: How exactly do I feel about this? It's mixed. And it comes and goes, back and forth, like a seesaw. I never wanted a divorce, yes there were times I disliked her tremendously but never showed it. I just clammed up and didn't say anything for fear of saying something hurtful. Problem is, as a guy it's not easy to even think about talking about how my feelings, oftentimes it just seems not worth it to put myself 'out there' in that way. Any way, she also says that because she'll have extra money from her roomie that she'll give me some if I need it. In fact she's not asking for alimony and for the minimum support. But I don't really want to leave anything to and obviously can't get an agreement like that in writing so how do I stop feeling like a trapped rat? I know there are lots out there who have gone through this and like I said the way I feel changes from minute to minute, sometimes I'm ready to be single again and go hit everything that moves and other times I just want to wait and 'be a good boy' waiting for her to change her mind. Can somebody help this dude from going absolutely freakin' nuts? Any help from this community would be great! - giant fat sluts in Gray IowaRecognizing and admitting that you are codependent is a good thing. You know this guy is a liar and has your trust. He continues to lie to you, even if they're little lies they're still lies. Since he's not changing his behavior and you can't (NOR SHOULD YOU) get past his infidelities, this relationship is never going to progress healthily. Your friend even sees trouble. I think that your instincts that tell you that he's a risk to your future and untrustworthy are spot on. I think your idea to approach it as an addiction is a good idea. I think cutting him out of your life all at once is a good idea. I would have your friend be your "sponsor". When you feel like ing him, her instead and get support from her. Do you and your SO live together? If so, pack quickly and get out quickly, don't let it drag on and don't let him try to draw you back in with honeyed words. Distance yourself as much as you can before and after the breakup. Make sure you have a good support network of friends (or just a couple close friends) to take up your time. If you're feeling super lonely and you think you can handle the responsibility, get a low maintenance pet like a rat, fish, or maybe a cat. I think getting out of this relationship, from what you've said, is going to be a really good move on your part. Just remember, with friends and take up a hobby and maybe a pet. female friendship
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