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don't you realize that YOU are making yourself miserable? You are stuck in the belief that in order for your life to be full you need another person to complete it. There's your flaw. The mere thought that what you did is wrong sends you into a pure defensive mode and you start to make excuses for some shitty behavior. His spouse is manipulative, tells you she's embarrassed about him, ect Excuses!! The fact is you are having trouble forgiving yourself and trusting that you can handle life with what's transpired. Well in order to do that you have to take FULL responsibility for your shit. That means owning it. This is your wake up , life isn't some fairytale. Poor choices heavy consequences, mistakes like that hurt people and the fallout you just have to deal with. The BEST you can do is not repeat the same mistakes and take responsibility for the ones you do make. You should seek some help, but be careful of a counselor who's validate things so you feel better that's not the goal. The goal is to accept your role, learn that you can control yourself AND your emotions so that you can move forward and hopefully gain some happiness. We are all responsible for our own condition. Repeat that until you actually get it. Because once you do you can be happy. Because real happiness comes from within, YOU create it and it doens't rely on someone. Then you'll get that you can let someone in your life because it be based upon you understanding that you chose to be in a relationshit rather than out of some warped need for connection. There, that's real advice and if you want to follow it fine, if not don't be too surprised if you simply end up stuck in your cycle. fun positive intimate O'FallonI have a funny hate relationship with pain, and have always had "life is pain" and "you have to be hard to survive" pounded into my head, and I think in a broader sense, that plays into my feelings of priding myself on being tough and demanding the same from my partner. I have found that, in the past, when I was in relationships with submissive people who struck me as soft or weak-willed the game just grew boring very quickly. I wanted someone who could take some damage without expressing it too much. Looking back, we were probably just on different wavelengths and had different needs and such, but at the time I viewed these people as unworthy. Now, having read what CeCe said in the thread above about people with superiority complexes covering for their own inferiority has REALLY got me thinking! Hahah. There was a time, too, when I was obsessed with extremity for its own sake, and I needed someone who was willing to go to extremes with me. And anyone who wasn't down for it was a big old pussy. I had to do some seedy things in order to get those so-ed needs fulfilled. That was a dark time. Turns out those people who refused me weren't total pussies, they were just sane! LOL And not willing to do whatever it took to get a piece of tail. ;) Nowadays, although I still that "oh, I how tough you are, toughness is very attractive" thing with me, I am glad to have sacrificed my superiority complex (ahem, somewhat anyway) and to have sacrificed the extremity (I probably always crave it, though) in order to find this deeper, more true connection with someone I can trust %. The family bond ties tightly, and I know our views of each other have changed for the better since becoming a family changed our lives. Ha, you want to talk about rambling wow! Just look at this post. casual encounter personals
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