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married but lonely Wenatchee My GF and have had a disagreement about a subject recently and we both feel the other is being unreasonable. We have been together for several years and each other very much. About six months ago, I shared with her I had an affair with a co-worker before we were together. A fling,no emotional ties. The affair was wrong, my marriage is over and I have come to terms with the affair. (This is not about the affair; the affair is behind me and before her, not the issue we are here for help with.) My GF was not thrilled with the news. This topic came backup after 6 months becuase of a talk about double standards. Here is the sticking point. GF and I have separate accounts. In the past I have expressed problems with her being friends with ex-BFs and the occasional too friendly creep that post too much on her account. After telling her it bothered me she those friends. I also an ex-GF, but I left the co-worker. I don’t her as an ex, just an old fling. There is nothing between us and we still work together. My GF, who used to work with us, doesn’t like the idea of us being friends, or other since learning of the fling. Looking back on the time we all worked together, she feels the co-worker was still too interested in me. I insist there is nothing between us now. She asked that I unfriend the co-worker but I’d rather not. Instead I have agreed to block the co-worker from appearing on my wall, commenting or liking any of her posts and I told GF she could have my password. My GF doesn't understand why I'm so stubborn about not removing her and finds my resolve unsettling. I feel she should trust in me there is nothing between me and my co-worker now and there never be. I find it unfair she would ask me to unfriend someone I work with. It could possibly create an awkward work environment with this person I every day. Should other co-workers notice I've unfriended the fling co-worker, they find it odd. GF feels it’s disrespectful and inconsiderate considering she her ex’s and her feelings aren't being considered. We ask those here, are both of us right, or both wrong? What is the middle ground? Am I justified and is she justified? How do we get past this unwanted drama? wooster lonely woman
ladys man at your service make your own decisions. Let me tell you something that holds very true for me closure and the way it's been defined is fucking overrated. It's become some screwed up search to dig into the past and try to figure out everything that went wrong and attach some reason to your current issues are tied to it. The real truth is you don't need to know. You can stop bad behavior if you want to, you can break a pattern if you don't want to participate in it anymore. While it be normal to wonder what truly happened to your parents marriage, it isn't any of your business. In fact you are better off NOT knowing the details. Your parents are leaving your decisions to you, you should respect that. Currently they are refusing to let you in on the intimate details of their break up because they know that while the relationship between THEM has failed it has no bearing on how they feel about you. It's an adjustment that is difficult for even adults to make, the relationship with parents following divorce is now independent of the other. It is time for you to have a relationship with EACH parent. I salute your parents for giving the other the opportunity for you to do that. parents don't and cast the net of blame at the other leaving you in the middle of their bitterness. Your parents aren't perfect, they're human and as humans, just as messed up as anyone. However, you should be proud of how they are handling this. In regards to this situation they are on solid ground. It shows character to actually NOT comply to your wishes to know. Respect it. My hat is off to them. As far as YOUR life, like beezerd said, it is up to you to set your OWN moral compass. southern guy seeking new friends
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