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You've let them move into your head! WHY? Move them right back out and QUIT COMMUNICATING WITH THEM SO MUCH! Stop swimming in every opinion they utter. Who gives a shit what they think? Everyone's opinion is always a really big deal to the person who has it. Unfortunately, most people think it's their job to impose it on others. Not. Your need to be accepted by everyone is causing you to become inauthentic to yourself and in your relationship with your BF. It's causing you unnecessary grief. You're at fault here because you're allowing it. You need to learn how to say NO. It's not a word and it's much easier to say it than you'd think, but then that's your problem. You think WAY too much. Less of that and more action. All that info you included about your future in-laws? Totally irrelevant to your situation. Stop putting yourself in other's business and making it important in your life. Think Boundaries. Create some and enforce them. i want what every middle aged mwm wants
to be really honest with yourself. When I read what you write..I'm thinking, hmm. Here is a gal who thinks her boyfriend is a bit of a pussy. She knows he has problems and she wants to think of herself as the supportive kind but FUCK dude, get a damn job and DO something about it don't fucking complain to me if you're not willing to help your own damn self. Kind of like the internet where we can assess the shit of others and seem to have all the answers. Only here you are and its time to figure out exactly just how are you supposed to 'stick it out' and when are you supposed to just cash it in? Well? Hate to say it but you need to try to take your focus off of his shit and look at your's. I'm not talking about the fact that you come from a bad background or maybe leave the TV on Animal Planet during sex because you dig hampsters, I mean who doesn't? I'm talking about the hard shit what do I stand for in this relationship? Who am I being and who do I want to be? You do that and act upon those convictions you can be just as hard nosed, just as driven, even compassionate and determine if this is a person you want to invest more in or perhaps give the opportunity to develop with you. But what that means is you have to TELL HIM and mean it. There's no cake and eat it too here, there's risk involved, you don't get an easy way out so don't look for it. Pull up those bootstraps you say you have or was that only for school, work or crisis time? Little tougher when it's your values that come into question isn't it? Remembering that help on the compassion side of things, think of the fear you have when making this decision..and know he's dealing with that kind of shit. That is where he's weak but it's the same kind of fear that stops him from just knowing and acting. IF you want to invest more Get a time table for him to be pulling himself out of the hole he has dug. True effort made to get a job, no more bitching..some action or. Let him know..support you can do..enable just ain't part of the deal. You only owe him the..and that is IF you want to invest. If you are just trying not to look bad..um, just cut the cord. need to get lucky* Every decision, action in our day, life, impact, results, rewards, disappointment, can be visualized with this idea. If you hands were extended out, one side would have a representation of 'what does it cost ? (. $ for a card ) vs. 'What do I get ?' a happy spouse, girlfriend. What words that are entirely private and personal in yoru handwriting added to the card,make them feel like gold, to her ? Your feelings, your history, your life lived together, growing, getting deeper, stronger, amazing real. That's what she wants to read, over and over again the 'you' in the card, not so much how fancy it is, was That said, you can find a simple nice piece of any paper and write all those things on it for her and it is every bit as special, impressive as a beautiful store bought card. Plus, if the result is that is what is special to her' then do it ( forget the cost ). How small things does she know about all you likes and desires does she remember and do for you constantly because she listened, cares and thinks they make you better, happy, no matter how small or the cost. It's the listening, noticing, caring she -'s and feels ** I am a hotel Concierge in San and I have helped several ( and a few woman ) get a dozen roses for today ( $ ) Obscene ! discreet xxx
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