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Your spouse has to WANT to stop. The key is their inner motivation, their. An ultimatum imposes rules from the outside; it does nothing to address the lack of motivation on the inside. Bottom line: although giving an ultimatum feels good, it misses your target. Your target is your spouse's inner motivation. And how do you affect someone's inner motivation? The secret is to CONNECT with them. Let me explain. Life begins as a connected experience in the womb of our mother. When we're born and that physical connection is severed, we yearn to connect again. How we go about creating that connection and how well we succeed becomes the story of our life. People who make and meaningful connections with other people feel happy and fulfilled. (Research proves that the single most important factor that determines happiness in life is CONNECTEDNESS.) People who lack a real emotional connection with others grasp at anything in an attempt to fill that void in their life. That's what leads people to sex, alcohol, hours of mindless TV, falling in over and over again with new people, or an obsessive commitment to money, success, work, or a hobby. These trappings offer a MOMENTARY filling. But the cause of the emptiness your spouse seeks to fill is a lack of a meaningful CONNECTION in their life. When you create that connection with your spouse, you accomplish two profound things. First, you eliminate your spouse's for their destructive behavior. You take the wind right out of its sail. You cut it off at its source. They don't need it anymore. There's no more hole to fill. YOU filled it! Second, you offer your spouse a permanent filling for a hole that's been insatiable probably since their childhood. (Your spouse's destructive behaviors can probably be traced back to a disconnected relationship they had with their mother or father). And their for your connection, a REAL and LASTING filling of that hole, trump any momentary interest in seductive pleasures. So how do you get your spouse to stop their destructive behavior? You create a connection with them. Now here's the kicker. The chances are very good that YOU have no clue how to deeply CONNECT with your spouse. i need a dr an oncologist pleaseWell, I got my route figured out (although it is subject to change on a whim or when I get lost). If you are on the route and want to get together for a drink or something ('something' does not mean we have sex, except for CSG) I would to meet you! Best way is to me your phone number and I you a couple days before I get into your town. This trip is a freedom journey for me, no motel reservations, just going to get out into and do what I like, play it by ear. But I plan on 3, through 6 states. I probably leave next Wednesday. So let me know. My route is below, I just copied and pasted so sorry about all the detail. Route: Seattle to Boise -/Time: m/8h Route: I-90 E to I-82 E (exit ) to I-84 E States: WA, OR, ID Boise to Salt Lake City -/Time: m/5h Route: I-84 E become I-15 S States: ID, UT Salt Lake City to Las Vegas -/Time: m/6h Route: I-15 S States: UT, NV Las Vegas to Los -/Time: m/4h Route: I-15 S to CA- W becomes I-21 W to I- S to I-10 W becomes US- N States: NV, CA Los to San -/Time: m/6H Route: US- N States: CA San to Napa -/Time: 50m/1h Route: I-80 E to CA-37 W to CA-29 N States: CA Napa to -/Time: m/9h Route: CA- to US- N States: CA, OR to -/Time: 61m/1h Route: HWY to OR-99 States: OR to Portland -/Time: m/2h Route: I-5 States: OR Portland to Seattle -/Time: m/3h Route: I-5 States: OR, WA married chat
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