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partners, not in a marriage you negotiate everything, you print out reports to compare them, you've made the relationship devoid of feeling why would you make such a judgement about the amount of money spent on the dog? if the dog is sick, is she supposed to check the budget before getting treatment? if the dog needs some holistic supplement to improve it's quality of life, do it only get that improvement if her are met for the month? if she's spent her dog allowance and the dog gets an infection that can only be cured with a $ antibiotic or it die, does it die because she's over budget? she can only get another dog if it meets with your spending plan? did you ever think with your heart and understand that another dog might make it easier to let go of the old one when it's time? would you make the same decisions if it were your? I'm guessing that in a relationship devoid of this is her. And you're putting dollar limits on it. she's frugal in other areas to compensate for this, it isn't like she's spending wildly with no consideration at all. the car go get a car. if it makes financial sense to get a newer one because of the repairs, do it. but now because of the groundwork that you have put down, you have to financially justify your purchase instead of simply saying it would make me happy to do this. you're having to live under the rules you've made. stop keeping score. just stop it. stop with the financial reports. in a marriage working towards a common goal, this should be something the two of you use together to work towards that goal, not a tool to point out her inadequacies. you ARE throwing it in her face, just in a passive way that lets you convince yourself that you're not. but you are. every day. that's not a relationship, that's a business deal and if you were my husband, I'd fire you discreet fun Corwen
and thank you i want to print out every response I got its so bad. lol I got a single hour of sleep last night; this is all VERY helpful. I think ill send myself a link to these reponses in my real. :O) Seattle Washington jenny bbwThey mutually agreed to leave her studio and get a new bigger place, and mutually agreed about the price. Then the fellow would not participate in searching for or okaying apartments until they were down to the wire with just two weeks remaining. If he had been joining in the apt search in the first place, he would not have backed himself into a corner, with no time left to seek another choice. What was the OP supposed to do screw over her subletter, who was expecting to move in 1st? Put all their stuff in storage and camp out on her mom's couch? Rent a hotel room in NYC at $ -plus a night? Seriously. Then, once having agreed to sign the lease, however reluctantly, he refused to do any packing (even of his own stuff) or help with the move. Should OP have packed her own stuff and moved and left his there, in order to somehow protect his ego? The adult thing to do is to move, state that he dislikes the place and wants to move again ASAP, and then make the best of it for that maximum of one year. Not to get all childish and passive and take it out on the food in the fridge. And now that she's actually arranged to break the lease, is he any happier? No, he's behaving WORSE, leaving the door unlocked and endangering the dog. If dude wants to be treated as an equal, never mind as a superior, he needs to stop acting like a year-old. A very wise friend of mine, with one of the longest and happiest marriages I have seen, said they have a rule in their house, which I wish I and my ex had instituted when we married. The rule is: you can reason and kick and scream and fight all you want beforehand, but once the decision has been reached, it's OUR decision, not just yours or mine. That is a good way to think. love and relationships
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