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have agreed with have had some decent suggestions cleaning person, date nights, ect But in my opinion, facing the real issues is being avoided. This isn't about only paying attention to you when he wants sex or housework..those are symptoms. If you only try to address those the underlying disease resurface. This is about you feeling unappreciated. I'm betting he's kind of feeling the same way, you aren't really giving him credit for what he DOES do and visa versa. In how you approached perhaps seperating you blame him for not telling you he's unhappy but no where do you mention telling him how unhappy you are. You say he won't voice his concerns and yet "appears" unhappy. All that should be addressed before you continue with marriage plans and you should insist on answers in order to continue. Not insist on the answers you want and he doesn't have to answer but if he wants you to stay he has to agree to answer your questions and that sword cuts both ways. You have to be willing to answer his. if you can take your initial post and word it in such a way that you place no blame, that in each paragraph you focus on how your choices shaped where you are, not his, yours. where YOU might be able to change..because it's the only thing you can. Like I said in the viper pit, that does NOT reduce his responsiblity for his actions but to fix this each must focus on their own. i m here for whatever you want done 1 guaranteeAnd listening. I might ask, "when do you feel good about yourself besides when shopping?" She say when writing or working or helping an elderly neighbor. So I might ask if she might want to expand on those things take a writing class, volunteer somewhere. Or better, I'd ask, "how could you expand on those things that you said *do* make you feel good helping and writing to fill the times when you don't?" And then let her come up with the ideas. I might say "do you exercise? Some people feel good about themselves after a workout. This also boosts endorphins to help feel better." That's really about as close to"advice" that I can think of this early pre-coffee. And again, I am not a therapist so this is clumbsy therapy I just mimicked. A little more finesse allows the client to come to these conclusions on her own. By "creating a space" I'm not sure if you mean in the person or in the office. But if you mean in the office, that plays directly into this whole discussion. The space in which this happens involves a "space" where the client feels free to talk without judgement or fear of having her business spread around. Judgement free and complete confidentiality (certain exceptions made for dangerous behaviour or though that is debated.) relative dating
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