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We were married for 13 years, got divorced and maintained seperate households, shared custody of. I was a drunk (reason for divorce) but got serious about sobriety while single. She started showing interest and we dated for a year, then I moved back in. We did not get remarried just because we felt like that was a jinx. We stayed together like a married couple for 21 more years, and I found out that she had been having a sexual affair for almost two years. She had presented herself as divorced and she got taken up on it. Little by little I watched her become a floozy and a liar. This time SHE was the drunk and it has totally ruined her personality as far as I'm concerned. I tried desperately to win her back, to get her to end the affair, and she repeatedly told me that she had, and that I was her only. I caught her red-handed times, that last of which I took a picture of her car in his driveway. I confronted her that night (she came home 5 hours later with her hair and clothes totally messed up, and she was drunk), and she said it wasn't her car! I told her I wouldn't talk to her again until she was ready to come clean. She said "whatever". I stayed another days while I was making arrangements to get out. She never once tried to get honest with me, and I left her 20 days ago. She is going to the bf in two months, according to my granddaughter. She tried to me for support, but since we never remarried, she gets nothing unless I do it voluntarily. I was being a hardass, no communication, no money, but the truth is I need those house payments made or it's my neck on the line. I'm doing a lot of hard thinking, but from my perspective, getting back together was the very worst 21 years of my life. i am very passionateHaugen is right that the marriage divide is largely generational, and in reading her candid statement, I couldn't help thinking that this is how my parents felt when I told them I was, when I met my partner, and when we got married. Growing up in conservative households, they both had what seemed at the time unshakeable convictions about homosexuality. At the tail end of the '90s, meant AIDS, and even once I convinced them that I might get through life without contracting HIV, they still thought that the "- lifestyle"—which in their imagination must have consisted of meth-fueled orgies and cross-dressing—led inexorably to unhappiness. Years passed without their nerdy, neurotic kid starring in a porno, and they begrudgingly came to accept that I'd quite simply grown into a nerdy, neurotic adult. But they ed my boyfriend my "friend" until I'd had enough and made a stink about it, after which they reluctantly gave in, ing him—haltingly, under their breath—"your boyfriend." By the time we got married a year ago, they just ed him, and they drove all the way from Arizona to Washington. (my mom is deathly afraid of flying) for the wedding. Having your core beliefs challenged is indeed uncomfortable, and it takes courage. I'm partially making fun of my parents here, and there's a lot that's funny—my mom once asked me, after I told her that I was helping coordinate Trans Awareness Week at Yale, "Are you transgender now?" But the point is that having a challenged of their expectations and forced them to change. This process wasn't short—it took ten years—and to say it was "uncomfortable" for them is an understatement. Absolutism is comfortable. This is why those on the other side of the marriage divide often talk about how "commonsense" their opposition is and assail people like Haugen for being "moral relativists." But rather than representing a lack of conviction, Haugen's respect for those who believe and live differently from her is its own ethic—one that forms the basis for a humane and equitable society. sexy wife
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