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i bored looking to hangout I turned it over to her and it was up to her to decide what she wanted. I imagine she had fears opening up to someone who wanted time from her but also it went against her ethics. I wanted her to know I was not a crazy who was gonna cause issues I just needed a friend. I had laid it all out for her to think about, turned and walked away there was nothing left for me to say. My immediate future was in her hands, although I figured that I would survive if she said no I also knew I would feel a sense of rejection. Rejection was nothing new to me but it wasn't much fun to experience, I suppose it would help me to grow and become stronger. I also realized that if it happened I would lick my wounds and that it was just no, not a prison sentence. I would just do what I probably should in the first place and find a professional to talk to. But I have a tendency to take the easy way and I had already achieved a semblance of trust with this relationship and didn't want to travel that path again if I could avoid it! I didn't want to seem desperate but I suppose in a way I was because I had no one to talk to and I knew that my growth required changes and that included trusting another, talking and sharing me. I wished for someone who appreciated the 13 year old that ached to come out and play and life. I wanted from life the ability to just be me without any issues. I didn't have a clue what the response would be I just knew I needed to try, because I knew what I had seen and felt. I knew there was some sort of loneliness there and my arrogance wanted to take it away. My arrogance wanted to make her laugh and feel the freedom I sometimes felt. The sense of freedom that didn't matter to me what anyone thought, I was gonna sing and dance! I was gonna joke and goof off. I needed to be around people like me so I went to a dance, plus I thoroughly enjoyed watching the women there. Standing there smiling at the thoughts going through my head I noticed someone come in the door. I couldn’t believe neither my eyes nor my heart as she walked in the door. She was alone, I was so amazed. I knew it must have taken a lot for her to walk through those doors.
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