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As a and then as a middle aged I did not experience sex, because I entered the seminary and then priesthood, directly out of an all-boys high school. I am not complaining, mind you, since my lifetime of celibacy was a conscious religious commitment. After decades of dedicated religious service and successful ministry to people all over the world, I decided to retire from the church to investigate and pursue the things of worldly life that I had denied myself. First, I obtained a private pilot's license, a real thrill. Not only that, but I learned to sail, to scuba dive, and to drive race cars. I also began to take classes in subjects, I've been like a sponge, soaking up what contemporary life is all about. When taking and computer classes, I discovered the internet and pornography, for the first time. It didn't take to get over being ashamed and to become quite interested in learning about women and sex, via the internet. It's a thrill that eclipsed my other exciting new interests. So, after several years of my retirement, and having become friends with new people, I last night found myself in a rather steamy and intense situation with a particularly charming 49 year old divorced woman, whom I had once known by way of my last church assignment. Having resisted earthly urges all of my life, but now being in the process of great change, and especially since I've discovered pornography, I let my natural male instincts free. I engaged in an amazingly ecstatic, yet profoundly scary, sexual tryst with my friend. Though I am at once quite delighted and excited beyond imagination, I am also troubled by a tremendously disappointing discovery, one that I thought better of continuing to discuss with her, after I broached the subject at the time of discovery, very nearly putting an end to my "journey into manhood" before it began. Please, I just need to get off my chest, my absolute shock and dismay at that which I saw of her naked body, that was in stark contrast to what I've learned about women via internet pornography. Pussy hair. real Denton women xxxyes i suppose im just comingout of the in shock phase and am trying to what others have done in this situation and how they have fared etc. i took my wows very seriously "to have and to.. till etc.. "and i shouldnt have. I grew up more conservative i guess and she was a bit more liberal i dont know. i keep trying to rationalize my actions and her actions and i keep coming back to the same odd point. they should have a wedding wow disclaimer sentnce (i have an affair.. blah blah). like i said i grew upwith the standard model of a family "as seen on tv" loving wife, working husband, etc etc. and thats how i was raised. Thats what i expected. Her family was even more conservative then mine. Im glad for this forum and id like to thank everyone who made comments. I appreciate the advice. It has helped me in my resolve on what i should do and maybe a few approaches. I know some have lived through this in one way or another. I dont wish it for anyone its not cool. youre also right "whatsname" about the "ball-less wimp" that thought did come to mind but, im ok with my masculinity. i am strong. I it as more a breakdown of of the trust that i perceived existed, or was led to exist. getting on-the-side is not me, i know some folks could do that easily and maybe itll help them. but then what. i it as becoming an "i did this" and "you did this" argument, would that work, would it level the field of resentment? maybe. i think its going to depend on whether she wants an open marriage or repair of our existing. i think its going to be along road regardless. i was hoping for an emotional train ride with wonderful stops, instead i got the roller coaster ride. One sad tidbit in all of this is that i found out about this in the middle of a family medical emergency. So it was a double emotianal roller coaster in one day. oh well i think just writing here and reading some comments has givenme some strength. take care everyone. geek dating
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