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After awhile, relationships are addictive. That can be a good thing when they're good and a terrible thing when they're abusive. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage that lasted 7 years. I should have left after 6 months, and I didn't. I regret that wasted time because it was very damaging to my self-esteem, though I am happy to say that my life has improved dramatiy in recent years with therapy and a heck of a lot of work on me. I worry that by sleeping with him occasionally and staying in a place where he can get a hold of you, you are never really allowing yourself to cauterize this oozing wound. I don't think you can start to move forward until he is out of the picture completely and for good. Why not change your number, change your, etc? I think that things start to feel better when you can admit that what you had was NOT good, because a good relationship is predictable most of the time. Sure, occasionally someone goes to the hospital or loses their job and freaks out a little, but it is NOT "good lover/friend one minute, sucking your bank account dry for the next." That's a user and a parasite. Those behaviors where he is a good lover/friend are what he NEEDS to do in order to keep you around to feed his addiction. Even if this have redeemable qualities, I don't think he sounds capable of being a good partner. This wish that he would die is you knowing you have to get out of this mess, but wanting someone (. fate, God, a dump truck) to do it for you. Unfortunately, YOU are the one who has to disentangle yourself from this mentally, because sadly, I suspect that even if he DID die, you would still be messed up in the head over him. Have you tried therapy? Have you tried books at the library over abusive relationships? There's a good one ed "But he never hit me." I know yours hit you (and mine hit me), but it does a good job of going into the damage that emotional can do to the victim's psyche. lonely bbw needs attention
It sounds like what you are most hungry for is validation. I know it sounds weird, but if you excersise, even a little bit, you not feel so exhausted. Since your little one not nap, how about you take that time of day when she/he used to nap, and take them both for a walk? Have the bigger one take turns pushing the stroller, wear some ankle weights for a bit of extra oomph, and work out you legs a bit. Also, I'd start looking for a part-time job, or some volunteer work. There's always someplace in the community that needs a helping hand. For instance, your local library might appreciate somebody to hold a -' reading hour in the afternoons. Your own could come along, so there'd be no babysitting expense. Most of all, it's your self-esteem that's being eaten alive, so I say it's time to fight back, with good feelings you create inside yourself. ;) bbw grandmother sexGirl woman search dating services horny men
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