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CMR73, You say that you need to be more sensitive to her needs, but as others have pointed out, you seem to know exactly what her needs are and why she has these needs. What you actually need to work on is getting YOUR needs met. The way personal-needs work is that they flare up inconveniently when you try to push them aside. So even though you know she needs quiet time and you want to give it to her, something inside of you is likely begging for fulfillment and bothering you and and your girlfriend in order to get some relief. The most obvious answer is that you need someone to talk to. It or not be that simple. I'm guessing that if she is at all nice to be around, she is willing to listen to you to some extent. If you aren't actually rambling and it is only how she sees it, that is another problem entirely. But if you are continuing to ramble on, it be that the nervous energy you feel that is pushing you to ramble is actually asking for something different. It could be anything- exercise, sex, a creative project, a good cry, intellectual stimulation, a warm bath, only you can find out. Here are a couple experiments you can use to explore what some of your unmet needs are. When you're at work, notice how you feel and how it is different from when you are with your girlfriend. Notice how you feel at different times of the day. Notice how your body tells you that you need someone to talk to (or whatever that need might be).. tight shoulders? shortened breath? certain thoughts or images? tapping finger? Does the need increase throughout the day? Does it only happen when you get home? Is it always there? What can you do for yourself that doesn't push away the need, but quenches it? Second, when you get home and the rambling starts, allow it for a second then stop midway and ask yourself: What would make me feel completely fulfilled right now? Is talking relentlessly fulfilling or only allowing you to escape the need to be fulfilled? However you go about exploring your needs, do it. They won't go away any other way. It's not being selfish. Sometimes the best way to take care of someone you is to take care of yourself. Otherwise you drive you and her crazy at the same time. Best of luck women seeking a man in EllsworthOkay, so my husband and I have been separated since October of last year. He moved back in with his parents b/c he had nowhere to go. He has not had a full time job in 2 years. He has just done side jobs here and there. Not enough to amount to anything. Wasn't ever enough to help me with the bills. That among other things is what caused our separation. We have a 3 year old who is the light of my life. A couple months after our separation, I had to move my and I in with my parents b/c I could no longer afford to live on my own without any help ($$$) from my childs father. He still does not have a full time job. His parents help me out as best they can and buy clothes often for my. He is their only grandchild and they him dearly. They are very good to me too and have always treated me as one of their own. But I still get no help from my sons father. In my opinion, this is a HUGE problem, not only b/c I need steady support, but b/c my ex's parents are paying for his car insurance, his cell phone, and he is living completely free of any responsibility, yet he still wants to have some custody of our and acts like he can tell my to come spend the night with him whenever he wants to. That is not the problem tho b/c I want him to be involved in my sons life. The problem is, when my goes over there or spends the night, my ex mother in law acts as the parent and my ex husband is more like a playmate to our. My ex's mom does the cooking, cleaning, gives my a bath, gets him ready for bed and everything. My ex does nothing but play with him and sometimes he isn't even there. He go out and not get back until late. So basiy, my is seeing that it is okay for his dad to sit around and do absolutely nothing and get taken care of and not have to act like a parent at all even tho he is a full grown adult. His dad is not a bad person, he is sweet and fun when he is with our. But he is so lazy and just not a good role model. Plus, it also bothers me that my ex mother in law takes my shopping like everytime he spends the night there and gets him a toy. She goes way overboard every holiday or birthday so my has like every toy you can imagine. Its ridiculous. That tells him that no matter how he acts, he can have toys from his grandma. horny older woman
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