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Ask The Expert: ‘Am I undatable because I’m HIV+?’ Kort By Kort, relationship expert 11:00am EDT Question: I have a good job. I am athletic and health oriented. I am the boy next door. I live right outside of one of the largest and gayest cities in the world. I have awesome family and friends. Oh, and I happen to have HIV. Because of the latter, all the other traits I can bring to the table seem not to matter when it comes to dating. I have tried HIV dating websites and social events but I have been unsuccessful. Since my status does not define me and I do not like limiting myself to just HIV+ guys, I am open to dating anyone who fits into what I look for in a. Although the statistics amongst urban males regarding HIV seem like this would not be an issue in , it still is. My question is how do I deal with HIV stigma and dating without giving up? Signed, Seriously single and losing. Dear SSLH, I that you do not define yourself by your health status! Leading with who you are as a person rather than your health status as your primary image of yourself is going to shape your dating experiences. Using one’s status as an excuse or feeling victimized by it is a recipe for poor self-esteem and bad dating experiences. I agree that even in the HIV stigma exists among men—and straight men and women as well for that matter. I had a client who is very handsome, physiy in great shape with everything a partner could want in a in terms of both looks and personality. He experimented on dating sites by posting two different profiles; one, which doesn’t mention his HIV status, and one that does. He received more inquiries than he can handle when he left his HIV status off and considerably less when he added it to his information. FULL STORY: no strings attached Stuttgart ArkansasActually, while a large part of this is probably hormonal, some of it IS in your head. There's a lot of different layers to a sexual experience, especially for women. One is the thought, "hmm, that feels good," followed by layers of increasing and finally the actual act itself. When you say you "lack the -", does that mean that you have no interest in even starting up a sexual encounter, or that you are having trouble reaching orgasm? Is the menopausal issues causing changes in your body (dryness, etc.) that are perhaps making sex less comfortable? Sometimes, though, the comes when you "fake it" I don't mean faking orgasms, etc., but just making the effort to engage, even though it not be a priority, might help the spark come later, in a different way, but there be a spark, especially if you are with someone you and trust. You be programmed to expect a particular series of arousal signs, and it be time to learn some new ones. A glass of wine to relax help. Also, look to your physical health if you are out of shape, not getting enough sleep, stressed at work, stressed with, etc., all of these can be contributing factors. Women don't give themselves enough slack in this department, and tend to think things are "their fault", but often, it's just real life making itself felt. Start with a doctor, but take a hard look at how you are treating yourself overall. Good luck and it get better. single dating sites free
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