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1. Their are not YOUR. Even if the are enjoying parenting time with their father, you are not their mother. You can't sign school field trip forms, medical consent forms. Basiy, you are an adult in the home, with no legal parental rights, and can not legally make any decisions for the. If you overstep this boundary, you are asking for a world of hurt. 2. The key words and attitudes for you are "minimum contact", and "talk to the hand, the ears aren't listening". You need to have contact with her ONLY when necessary. If you go to a school event, such as parent-teacher conferences or sports events, (and yes, you can go along with your husband), you are there for the kid, and so you don't have to talk to her. While it would be nice to exchange pleasantries, you don't have to even do that. You can completely ignore her. You don't realize it yet but you have the upper hand. She is not YOUR problem, so don't give her the power to make her your problem. I that this helps a little bit. Centerville Iowa skinny blondeDear compassionate one, Please never disregard your gut feelings about a person and/or situation. Disregarding our intuition usually lands us in a mess or in danger. You are obviously very wise and mature to pick up on these red flags. They are definitely not in your imagination. Your "friend" is obviously operating from a state of fear. Fear promotes irrational and neurotic thoughts and behaviors. He be suffering from some degree of post-traumatic stress syndrome, but would have to a professional for a diagnosis. It is not wrong, weak, or unhealthy for you to feel compassion for him for his losses and his current state of pain. However, as any professional counselor tell you, all your and compassion won't fix him. It is natural to be attracted to his positive attributes. But from the obsessive/compulsive behaviors he's demonstrated in such a very short period of time, his unhealthy side would dominate the relationship. His need to make it official so is an indication that he is not operating from a place a strength. He is making the very common mistake that of us often do by jumping back into a relationship to heal the wounds and fill the emptiness of the one(s) that previously ended. I one thing that you learned from this is that if something does not "feel" right, there is usually a valid reason. I have one important word for you boundaries! You compromised your boundaries in the beginning by giving in to his pressure for a commitment too. You recovered by re-establishing your boundaries by declaring that you not open your life to a person who does not respect your time, personal space, etc But do you how you felt bad for establishing that boundary with him.? There is a great book titled "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend that you find very insightful. I think anyone would benefit from reading that book. Boundaries can be tricky, but stick to your instincts. It's understandable that you his good side, but please don't trick yourself into thinking that you can somehow have the side without the weight and toll of the unhealthy. Perhaps you could find peace in praying for him.? Be intentional and determined to meet a guy who has his wonderful qualities. Please don't settle! Best wishes to you! dating simulator
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