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person justify it? I wish I could but for 16 years it has been the same. If we argue, these things start happening. It is just SO sad. I have been married before, went to Victim's Assistance because I wanted to know what was wrong with me, for real. I have faults like everyone. My fault, they told me, was that I was sick too if I put up with it. But HOW does he not notice. I show him, tell him, anything I can do, but it is like he is acting out on me what he would like to do to his siblings and parents. Is it possible that he is doing these things unconsciencely and not know it? I know the answer, but please tell me, it hurts too bad. I keep telling him I AM NOT HIS MOTHER, I AM NOT HIS DAD, I AM NOT HIS SISTER or any other relative, I am your wife, your Safe Harbor that you are destroying .why? It has been your Safe Harbor for 16 years. Why are you treating me like this? I have given him self-help books, he won't read them, he justifies everything he does, he mimics other people because he doesn't know himself, he pretends he is happy to get things from me, he gets a far away look in his eyes and sometimes I can't even reach him. PLEASE SOMEONE give me some common sense help here? I know you probably tell me what I already know, but I need to hear it again? So Sad. petite blonde CampecheThe only fault you have in this situation is not getting away fromm it sooner. You did not "cause" him to become violent and abusive. That was a decison that HE made, and he made it because he is a bully and felt he could get away with it. He's used up all his "Get Out of Jail Free" cards, in my book. I know it seems like a lot right now but consider this: Imagine what your life would be like without him right now! Peaceful. Calm. Your would not be witnessing violent rages and grow up thinking that this is how a loving treats his wife. He might have mental problems but you aren't a doctor, and he is making no moves towards getting well. What is your living situation? Renting? Own a home? If you rent, it's relatively easy you walk away. You need a plan. 1. Get the hell out, and do it with a plan. Find another place to live check with your church, for example, and if there is anyone willing to rent inexpensive housing to help out women until they get on their feet. My next door neighbor has been taking in tenants in a nice basement apartment with a separate entrance for several years, and they do it to help people who need a to re-group. 2. Once you find a new place to live, start moving things out that you fear would be destroyed. Do NOT get up on "things" things are nice, but they don't heal your face when you've gotten a black eye and a busted lip. Pack up stuff gradually scrapbooks, books, jewelry, knick-knacks and store them with a friend or at your work, if possible. 3. If you husband strikes you at any time while you are in this process, do not hesitate and have his butt arrested for and battery. 4. Talk to a family law attorney, and explain that you are seeking a divorce based on physical and mental cruelty. They have other suggestions, depending on whether or not you own or rent your home, restraining orders, etc. 5. Move. 6. Serve your husband with separation papers. 7. Declare bankruptcy. You're overwhelmed and no way to pay it off. This is what bankruptcy was designed for. Get some counseling, get a grip on spending and saving, get a buget, and get youself back on track with a fresh start. mature nude couples
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