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the earliest memory i have of my father was laying in bed with him, both of shirts off. I'm not sure if there was a sexual componet to this or not. i think i remeber my mother coming in and getting mad at him ( they split before i was born) and i never really saw him that much. the second earliest memory i was 6 and my sister 11, she asked me to look inthe bathroom and tell her how big his penis was while he was peeing. that last one gives me chills, but my sister and I get along OK today, but I've never brought it up to her because im afraid to her reaction to it, she might deny it, or tell our mother or what ever idk. thats not the issue. but when i was 11, my mother married and the who i now refer to as my stepdad. He used and her, he cleaned up real quick ( my momma don't take shit from no one!!!) but this did alter my view of him and made me more distrustful of men. now im 23 and i have a two good guy friends and have been in (semi) relationship. the thing is I've also been bi-sexual, I don't think i could do a relationship with a unless he was straight acting and really really laid back. basiy i want a "bro" who i could have sex with. and i hate guys and their fucking drama!!!! there just so fucking picky! i can't stand it. its like every guy I've met has had to find SOMETHING to complain about it drives me NUTS. my therapist said this could be a repulsion to men out repulsion to my won feelings, but i don't think so, i think it's that i hate picky people in general. now i feel like if i found a good mentally woman who loved me and wasn't a pshycho ( my first and only ex GF would try to make everything my fault and make me feel guilty even though she admitted to being in the wrong) it could work out.( keep in mind that the reason i only had one GF is because I've been focused on school and work) but i do still fantasize about guys, and their dicks, i wonder sometimes when i a really attractive guy walking down the street ( jackman type) how big their is. is this an effect of what happened to me as a? did it make me bi-sexual? I think if i really found true with a woman that this wouldn't be an issue. do you agree? looking for connection or more
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