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Fetishes are specific and important to those who hold them, so of course it can turn into a hot button topic. Even worse, generally when someone has a real knowledge of something and speaks directly and with passion about it it sometimes threatens people around them (that's just the way it is, unfortunately) makes them feel "punished" when no negative intent is involved. Sometimes I get really passionate about submission, and get irked when submission or subs get misrepresented either by those of the ilk or by those who are ignorant but never have I addressed it with the intent to punish that's like totally righteous dude, and not in the good way. It defeat me before I'm started over time. Its taken me some effort (I think) to even change what D/s looks like to my partner who had done a ton of kinky shit but had always felt not in tune with D/s and probably at times was turned off by it. Without definitions in some areas, none of us would feel passionate about stuff. It's *our* kink community, *our* D/s, *our* bdsm in general, and we need our definitions because it gives us a way to communicate why we do what we do. I don't want to just be lumped in as kinky I need to define D/s as well. without a def .this would all be lumped together as just 'stuff we like' we'd all be homogeneous, yuck with no definitions and that's not natural. Not every dominant wants to be lumped in with tops etc So especially here with the one person I know who has a serious fetish his intent never be to punish ignorance because then he'll never be able to stand up for what he feels is a very defined thing. Nobody would ever listen. And how do you describe a feeling? A fetish evokes a specific sort of feeling and reaction for those that hold it. Yes, the def vary depending on who you ask but I believe there is one answer to this and that is that it is a very defined and rigid set of conditions that cause a thing to be a fetish for someone. I feel the word "fantasize" should replace "fetish" in 99% of fetish conversations. girls in Long Pond, Newfoundland that want sexwe super "got" each other. in a way i'd never experienced. we talked until 4am, we said we got excited about all the same things. he went on and on about being flexible and easy. things just took a turn recently. and im not sure if it's a reaction to something he's feeling. something's changed. right before my last trip to NM, before he said he was anti desert, he made a pouty comment about "Well, I wasn't even invited." in retrospect, that seems even weirder than it was at the time. so not like him and now i know, he wouldn't come to the desert if he was! he loves ethnic foods, camping, nature, he's trying to learn spanish and is into different architectural styles. so i wasn't totally off base in thinking that he'd be into the South West. For a brief visit. city dating
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