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I struggle with a gf sometimes who likes to fancy herself "the chivalrous one." This is for any number of reasons, but the main one is that it sometimes makes me feel like I am either being treated like a or like a delicate little teacup that she thinks break at any moment. The truth is that I LIKE doing things by myself, I LIKE a challenge, and I LIKE having things up in the air. I LIKE being an adult much more than I ever liked being a. And I most certainly am not a teacup. So although I realize that she is doing what she does because she loves me, it is also frustrating, because it takes away of my favorite things. Over time we have come to a good balance of things where she gets to be chivalrous sometimes or in specific ways, but she does not do every thing for me or defer to me always or INSIST that I order first off the menu EVERY TIME. Sometimes she even lets me hold the door. I do not think that the first scenario was her loving "too hard," as you put it, but simply channeling that into the wrong places, or expressing her in a way that was not appropriate for ME. The trick is to find a way to express it that works for both of you, not just one of you. mature bearish Lenoir North Carolina looking for a hardI really, really hate to say this but it always be a 'live today as it is' kind of thing. It's awesome that the person went to rehab. It's great that s/he wants something different and you all want better for her, too. Support him/her as you can through this. Send notes of support. Enjoy your life and all the little things. BUT this not be a 3 to 6 month wait for a "result". This be a lifetime of work and successes and failures and potential heartbreak. My brother has been to rehab at least 20 times (that I know of) and he currently uses. He has had clean time sometimes 2 years at a stretch but he doesn't even try anymore. We have no relationship. He doesn't have my # because he only ed for money in the middle of the night or to be bailed out of jail. We are civil, even friendly, when there are family gatherings and I him but I can't support his choices and I can't, as sad as this sounds, get my hopes up again. What is even sadder is how he must feel about failing all of these times. All that said (probably too much) that doesn't mean that is your family's fate. I worked in a rehab and I saw a lot of successes. In my current job I both those who stay clean and those who cannot. There is never a clue that one do it and one not. But most important this is key even the successes had relapses along the way. Rehabs often tell them that "relapse is part of the process" and it is. It's like they often want to test to if they can use in moderation. Test to if all those things they learned in rehab are true. Some never make it out of the relapse. go to rehab several times before it "takes." Some don't relapse for years and almost need a refresher rehab after so because they forgot to remain vigilant of themselves and take care of themselves. This be a lifetime of caring for him/herself. Like diabetes, she'll have daily maintenance to do. The hard part for you is to keep your but also be realistic and don't crash and burn if s/he relapses. It happens a lot before term sobriety "sticks". I highly recommend Alanon. You learn a lot and meet others who are where you are. They also have alateen for teens affected by other's addiction. e alanon and find a meeting near you and recommend it to your family and friends. Peace to you and yours. singles matchmaking
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