Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array grannies Gresham Oregon looking for sexSlim and Are you that one gentleman who's looking to have a sexy eye by his side? If you are a gentleman, fun and mature stable contact me. 4 horny hookups Bermuda free live webcam
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1. my 2. my friends 3. the smell of lilacs 4. driving in a convertible with the roof down, NOT IN THE RAIN! 5. puppies (my bosses dog had 11 6 weeks ago and I'm getting one!) 6. the laughter of playing outside my window 7. quadding Falun mature women for datingI got hit last week driving home (two days after writing the last check toward $2, in auto repair) and in the process met the most amazing human being. I wanted to share this "-" with you guys. Turns out the who was driving and hit me is paralyzed from the chest down following a near fatal car accident 6 years ago. It was a good lesson for me. When I first felt the impact, I was immediately aggravated more money, more car repair, more time I don't think I have, blah, blah, blah. After I got out of the vehicle and actually met this other driver, I was humbled. Anyway, he sent me an this morning to "check on me and my daughter and the pending car repairs" he included a link to his story and I thought you might like to it too. night dating
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