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Infidelity and divorce are extremely painful. It's not crazy to still have some lasting effects from such an awful experience. But those are reasons for your trust issues, not excuses. It's not fair for your current wife to pay the price for your former one. I think you need to own that these are your issues, but also be honest with your mate. Make sure she KNOWS you are struggling with YOUR OWN trust issues and that YOU know she hasn't given you any reason to doubt her. Ask for her openness, trust her fidelity, but open the conversation so that she can tell YOU if you are over stepping your bounds. It might be worth having a conversation about what is okay and not okay between you. For instance, can you have lunch w/ a member of the opposite sex? Is it okay to look at each others phones? (and realize that if she doesn't like the thought of you going in her phone, it DOESN'T necessarily mean she's hiding something) Couples have very different standards for these kinds of things. The more you two are on the same and the more you communicate with each other, the more trust you build. california man seeking noncalifornia woman
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