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I enjoyed being silent. It was fine, no drama, and good. For me. My daughter hurt because of it though. I abandoned her in both her for her father, and her pain. I left her alone, to fight one of the biggest emotional battles of her life. I left her to a broken person by herself. I made her hurt alone. I made her cry alone. I made her pray alone. How was she supposed to learn how to and be loved by him safely if I wasn't willing to teach her? My indifference meant she was on her own. She is too little to be on her own in an emotional battle like that. I watched Jakes Closet it was eye opening, and heart breaking, and I felt like the worst mother ever. I hid behind I "don't say anything bad " I didn't actively cause damage I just left her to fight all of her pain and emotions all on her own. When I changed my perspective and started being on HER side talking to her dad, and actively being nice, she made huge strides in counseling and went from having huge amounts of anger buried inside her (her counseling sessions were play therapy and she was always doing fighting and beating other up) to resolving her issues and feeling secure, happy, and "within normal parameters." The went from beating each other up, to having happy fun birthday party celebrations. In a matter of a few weeks and all it took was me saying nice things about her father every day, or sharing a GOOD memory about her dad, and engaging in a few conversations in front of her where I was nice, sweet, and kind and didn't use the "businesslike" tone. HIS behavior didn't really matter. Mine did. wanting some fun this weekendI can very clearly how you could think that. For the most part i was always in tune with her, on all levels. She played along.. she did her part.. She didn't seem to be doing anything differently that i could at the time.. Would have noticed the tears if she wasn't wearing a blind fold.. Some people can hide and control their body language very well.. Unfortunately she was in full blown hide emotions and act normal Needless to say she was a noob, she didn't do her homework as requested and failed to use one of the safewords.. I went over the safewords with her before we played.. It was safeword or the word red.. I did feel bad about that. I guessed I expected more out of a honors college student than just look at the pictures to the side Yes, i am to blame to an extent for pushing someone too hard too fast.. I made the horrid mistake of picking right off where i was with my last partner, who knew the ins and outs.. and wanted things to seem as real as possible.. that person only deplouyed the safeword once.. But she also liked to feel the full range of everything.. that same scene with a previous partner.. She wouldn't have cared if it was different guys.. Even if she felt being used and.. it was just part of the mental mind fuck that person could have handled.. Yes I did make a mistake It hurt me deeply something i remember quite well.. I did hash it out in my, how could i have not known something was a? how could i have pushed her that hard? but ultimately.. I won't hold too much blame on myself. I guess there was a moment of lack of trust.. on her part.. She figured if she would have said it, it would have not mattered.. The point is..if she wouild have said it she would have been untied and un blindfolded immediately.. All i couild do was hold her, and tell her i loved her, etc.. Same thing i did to my previous sub/lover after a super intense scene.. just to bring down the high etc.. just this time i was dealing with eatrs sex with married woman
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