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lets play with your wife closely related that this puts an entire new on any advise I might give you. I have been a stepparent, I believe I'm a good one. I also believe that I took my stepson's welfare into account in every decision I made. Truth be told, I a very large potential here for your to suffer severe conflicts. Especially when you consider their dad a shitty father. Remember, this is NOT a previous relationship, nope, your relationship with the other parent is a current one. One that be there until the day you die to some extent. The connection is unavoidable. One of the largest hurdles for us to get over was the relationship or should I say lack there of..with my stepson's dad. I know my efforts to be a good parent to C was seen and recognized. A key in that was to make if VERY clear I was not there to be his dad. A parent yes, his father NO. The job has been taken. In clearing the hurdles of blended families you also have to show a it's ok to the other parent. You have to bury that resentment you, do NOT look to eachother in supporting it. Do not validate eachother's poor opinion of him and don't seek it. Dealing with the stress and emotions? You bet, most people can relate to the conflicts that can arise but unless there is real danger, not shit you just disagree with but real danger, your job is to also make damn sure your know you aren't going to put them in the middle of the crap between you. That means support when the wants to the father and at times, a firm discussion that they should even when they don't want to. No, no one has been in your shoes and no one would react exactly the way you did. But you are making some statements that reveal your to be a 'mother' to his and wanting someone to show your how a father should act. That's potentially a very damaging mindset. Regardless of 'when' people meet your, your goals should really be reevaluated.
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