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- 29, By BERGER The Brooklyn shopkeeper was already home for the night when her phone rang: a who said he was from a neighborhood “modesty committee” was concerned that the mannequins in her store’s window, used to display women’s clothing, might inadvertently arouse passing men and boys. “The said, ‘Do the neighborhood a favor and take it out of the window,’ ” the store’s manager. “ ‘We’re trying to safeguard our community.’ ” In neighborhoods, a store owner might shrug off such a. But on Avenue, the commercial spine of Hasidic Williamsburg, the warning carried an implied threat — comply with community standards or be shunned. It is a potent threat in a neighborhood where shadowy, sometimes self-appointed modesty squads use social and economic leverage to enforce conformity. The owner wrestled with the request for a day or two, but decided to follow it. “We can sell it without mannequins, so we might as well do what the public wants,” the owner told the manager, who asked not to be identified because of fear of reprisals for talking. In the close-knit world of ultra-Orthodox Judaism, community members know the modesty rules as well as Wall Street bankers who show up for work in a Brothers suit. Women wear skirts and sleeved, high-necked blouses on the street; men do not wear Bermuda shorts in. Schools prescribe the color and thickness of girls’ stockings. The rules are spoken and unspoken, enforced by social pressure but also, in ways that some find increasingly disturbing, by the modesty committees. Their power is evident in the fact that of the half dozen women’s clothing stores along Avenue, only one features mannequins, and those are relatively shapeless, fully clothed torsos. For complete article, go to http: // need maage this afternoonIt is what it is. You've confessed, you've apologized, you're doing the work necessary to figure out why you do the things you do, and to clarify what you want/need from a relationship. It's time to stop groveling. He's upset, and it's going to take more than a few sweet words and knocking yourself out being super-nice to him to make up for it. In the end, it not matter how sorry you are or how committed you are. You broke a basic trust, and some people just can't get past that. You can't change what happened. The only thing you have control over at this point is how you choose to behave in the future. Either he'll decide he wants to stay, or he'll choose to go. Frankly, if he's not going to counseling with (or without) you, that's a bit of a red. Stop begging for him to observe your upcoming anniversary. If you want to observe it, go ahead but do not make this a "make it or break it" line in the sand. You say you want "atta girls", some acknowledgement that you're trying. No, you don't. You want him to get over his disappointment and anger and appreciate all the work you're doing. Not gonna happen. You're going to have to be satisfied with your own efforts, and stop looking for outside validation. It's not going to be fun, and it's not going to be easy. Suck it up. (PS: I you're avoiding your sister through all of this.) naughty dating
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