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that's what I'm trying to figure out. I never pictured myself with someone that was a pot smoker, but at the same time, I also never pictured myself with a guy from a small town on the east coast (I'm born and raised in SF), but here I am in an otherwise happy and relationship. I guess I'm just thinking out loud to understand what my own parameters and dealbreakers are around this issue mature dating AbingdonIn my experience, when someone has a lack of confidance like that, there are a few things you can first is to completely STOP criticizing them, stop bitching at them, don't offer suggestions or solutions unless asked for, build them up with praise for all the things they *do* do well, and don't make it comfortable for them to stay where they are at. Meaning, don't pay for their bills, rent, don't pay for every dinner you guys go out for, vacations, etc. But still do those things. That that means you two make a nice home cooked romatic dinner, but you go out to a nice restaurant with your girlfriends. You guys go camping, you go to the coast for the weekend with your sisters. You save money, you be responsible with what you earn, and set an example of how it should be. And encourage him where he needs it. I truly believe that you cannot change someone, specially by nagging and bitching. But you can lead by example. And make your relationship a safe place for him to feel secure enough to step out and take the risks he needs to succeed. married cheaters
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