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Your natural state is to be attracted and in. You then took years and years to destroy that natural state through whatever bad behaviors. It get better if you change your behavior but it take years. An example: Flowers are a good idea and should be given regularly but they are for HER, not for you, not for her to forgive you, not for anything but for her. If she thanks you, great if not great,so what,they are for her. It doesn't matter if she throws them out because they are for HER. In fact if she did throw them out and you went and bought her more the next day that would good. Flowers shouldn't be for you to feel good about getting them for her. If they are given with any other reason than because you know she likes them then frankly they are seen as an empty and easy fix. (don't stop giving them though:)) Counseling is however not empty and easy. It not only help you but it SHOWS her that you care. Stop drinking if you do. Really! Even if you don't think you have a problem. If she asks why tell her because it's can only help our relationship. Again it took you years to mess it up and it take time to repair. You should look at your marriage as helping your therapy and not the reverse because your marriage is just a part of your life that needs working on just like the rest. Also buy a punching bag and a video camera. Video yourself acting like an a-hole to the woman you and you'll really what she sees. tell her that you want her to video you acting in ways that frighten you. If she won't, force yourself to set-up a video with a tri-pod and hit play. (I think you'll that you calm down quickly if you know that you are being filmed.) Anger comes from lack of control. You don't WANT to control her. You want to appreciate her and experience her being herself. If she's not doing something the way you want it to be done, just do it yourself. Once she sees that you aren't being controlling she'll WANT to work together. And again it take time- lots of time but you'll both like the person you've become. take it to heart. local swingers Des MoinesYour marriage is dying on the vine. You sense it so you are starting to become more sensitive to things. It sounds like you are afraid to rock the boat for fear of what it might mean. Nonconfrontational isn't much of a life, how does anything get solved if you don't confront issues? It doesn't and life loses it's passion. When that happens affairs do happen, I mean you can't find passion at home so where the hell are you going to get it? Suddenly one or the other find someone to "open up" to and since this is a common thing, find someone who seems to "share" the same. I was told the same speach, sold the same of goods. In response I did all the things I thought were what a good hubby should do work on myself, be the solid "good" husband ect..tried not to upset things too much, flowers on a Wednesday "just because", date night, ect looking back I how boring it must have been. I've said it before the things I did were NOT a waste of time but not adding passion to the mix was something I missed. That's not directly sexual, it's the approach to life, unafraid to say what's on my mind, to say "I don't feel that's right", to take chances/risks that might upset the balance. I wasn't a challenge because I wasn't challenging. I no longer made her stop and think. There wasn't any thing about looking at me where someone would say "this dude has it going ON". I was a "husband", not also an independent person and a. I wouldn't worry about snooping or trying to confirm an affair, I'd invest in yourself and less into your husband role. Roll the dice and live life. horney women
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