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It is what it is. You've confessed, you've apologized, you're doing the work necessary to figure out why you do the things you do, and to clarify what you want/need from a relationship. It's time to stop groveling. He's upset, and it's going to take more than a few sweet words and knocking yourself out being super-nice to him to make up for it. In the end, it not matter how sorry you are or how committed you are. You broke a basic trust, and some people just can't get past that. You can't change what happened. The only thing you have control over at this point is how you choose to behave in the future. Either he'll decide he wants to stay, or he'll choose to go. Frankly, if he's not going to counseling with (or without) you, that's a bit of a red. Stop begging for him to observe your upcoming anniversary. If you want to observe it, go ahead but do not make this a "make it or break it" line in the sand. You say you want "atta girls", some acknowledgement that you're trying. No, you don't. You want him to get over his disappointment and anger and appreciate all the work you're doing. Not gonna happen. You're going to have to be satisfied with your own efforts, and stop looking for outside validation. It's not going to be fun, and it's not going to be easy. Suck it up. (PS: I you're avoiding your sister through all of this.) a christmas friend
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