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I'm newly married. Hubby recently lost his job and is now working but making significantly less than he was when we met, were dating, moved in together, etc. This has left us in a position where I earn more than he does. I am not bothered by this in the least. We are not really hurt by the reduction of income. That is to say, we are still able to pay all our bills, on time, and feed ourselves and keep up with the mortgage. Neither of us are excessive spenders and I'd say we are both responsible with money. We have a joint checking and savings account. Hubby is struggling with the fact that he makes less than I do. He's been depressed and doesn't want to go out anywhere or spend money on things for himself, even things he needs like a new pair of jeans or a t-shirt. In his line of work he doesn't need fancy clothes but I do have to dress up a bit for work so I have to spend some money from time to time on clothes. I've cut back on a few of the "extras" for myself no bi-weekly pedicures, color my own hair, take lunch a few times a week instead of going out. All of these things are making hubby really depressed and feels that he's to blame for our "financial problems". I feel our situation is perfectly OK. I don't have resentment for any of that stuff, but I do find myself becoming annoyed with his constantly being sad about this. I wish that I could make him feel as OK with the situation as I am and I wish that he would feel that he is as entitled to buy/do things for himself as I am. japanese girls Lake Ozarkthat you are overanalyzing the word "settle". It is just a word and maybe if you can change your mindset to the some other word, such as maybe compromise it might help. To settle makes one think in a negative way, in a way that things could always be better. However to compromise implies that you, yourself are getting something out of the situation. And each situation is unique. In a relationship you cannot keep score. So what that he gives on 2 big issues, that does not now mean you have to give on 2 big issues of his. When you are truly in you want to compromise. I understand there are some issue that you cannot compromise on, and we each have our own set of issues. I am still not really sure what the issue is that is giving you so much grief. Is it the smoking? If so like someone mentioned earlier that is an addition and it take effort on his part to give it up. I am more concerned with is to give up wanting to be a parent because you don't want to be one. That is a big issue IMHO to give up. My SO and I tend to agree on all the big issues. However, I am having to learn how to compromise on the smaller issues. black woman
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