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but I don't think you're on the path to really healing yourself, which you need to do first before you can give freely in any relationship. Right now you don't give freely you need freely. You have a hard road to climb in front of you. Your ego is not only massive, it's incredibly sensitive. It's like an infant. All an infant wants is to have its needs met that's it. They are totally incapable of freely giving of themselves they don't know how. They aren't equipped. You need to grow up, honestly. Whatever happened in your past you need to allow the feelings that surround it to die. Maybe you even need to force their death. They're keeping you a prisoner and hindering your growth. They're keeping you from experiencing the coolness of having a best friend in your lover. You need to wake up to the fact that you are living in a dream state that your behavior with this woman is not only unacceptable, it's infantile. Where is your integrity? Where is your dignity? Where is your masculinity? You can turn yourself into any image (character wise) of yourself that you choose. Are you happy being so needy? Hell no you aren't. I imagine part of you is intensely disappointed with your behavior. So change it. Get mad at yourself. Admonish yourself and force yourself to start behaving differently. It's your mind, your thoughts, your body, your actions. Snap out of it. Oak Harbor girls fuck'couple's counseling' session today. At the one last week I finally accepted that he's gone won't be coming back and said we should get divorced. He readily agreed looked so relieved. Today I guess we get to talk about the logistics of putting the divorce in motion. All I want to do is tell him AGAIN what an idiot he is for giving up so easily. Things get harder when you have a kid and a house (past 3 years) and are not out partying or relaxing every weekend (the 12 years before that)! You have to talk about normal relationship problems and how to fix them. Or, apparently, you can decide that "relationships don't feel like work if it's true -" and move out and a fresh start with someone new be a lot easier. Rant over. Thanks for letting me get that out here instead of there. Ugh. Maybe in what I'm learning is difo tradition I need a shot before I leave. horny germany
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