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I truly do him and sex isn't the problem, it is like he can't make time for me to kiss, hug, cuddle and go places- even just walk together I am thankful for him being a hardwoker and not going out with the boys, but I work too,and the 4 I am raising are his and them dearly But matter of fact I am social, to talk, laugh, go to concerts, I dont drink I have tried respecting him, not going out much less accept advances from other men, but is difficult to feel alone in a relationship. When we started, i told him we always needed to try to turn each other's head I would explain people have affairs becuase1, the other person isn't willing to do what theyt want inbed, but even find common interests, talk and dress up for them. I fufilled my end, I truly was the best lover, friend, wife I could be. But he didn't fufill his part Now he says he doesn't understand why I would want otu because of something so simple like wanting to go out on dates and because he doesn't give little gifts My question for him was, if those things were simple, then why doesn'i he do them if for no other reson than to make me content and quiet? He has no answer but I do he does not the importance in it for him. So I am left to wonder, is this marriage I have for 16-20 more years until we can't stand each other so much that we do treat each other so bitterly or cheat? I do not want either thing to happen I feel like if we end it now- maybe there is a we can be friendly done the road and give each other a to be happy. I am a very indendent person and feel even though us ending hurt so bad, maybe it is for the best but part me prays he want to be more invested in us before there is no us. I however, look for the book you suggested and read it and hopefully I can find more insight into help to slavage the relationship I am 37 and I know that starting again with someone lese at my age is probably impossible but sometimes it is better to BE alone than FEEL alone. Thank you for you r insight , just being able to talk about it with a stranger helps take off some of the stress.:) girls looking sex from Santa claritaI actually know quiet a bit about buddhism, in the scholarly sense. I have studied it extensively in college and grad school. It is amazing how you can study something and understand it intellectually but not "get" it. I "got" it for the first time when my grandmother died. I had an amazing vision of a girl being born and somehow "knowing" that the soul of my grandmother was being reborn. Maybe it was searching for some sort of solace and comfort, maybe it was wishful thinking, but it came to me without conscious thought my unconscious taking everythign I studied and all the crap with Catholic bull that I had been struggling against and it just worked for me. One of the very few unconscious religious moments or awakenings I have ever had. But I struggle with societal acceptance in my suburban New England town. I have a spouse whom I dearly, but doesn't understand or want our (being raised by lesbians) to be buddhist and be even weirder. There are no temples, no communities of Buddhists near me that have any vibrance. Finding a buddhist community, never mind a particular sect, would be difficult. UU appeals to me. It has the meditative qualities that I am looking for. It allows for the individuals own path to the divine. I am strugglng with accepting human flaws right now I recently moved. I had been attending a UU church and was very moved each service by the reverand. FOr some reason, the UU church closest to my new house is lackluster. Small congregation and for the past two weeks, lay leaders have been running it and it has failed to move me too much ego dripping out of them. So, still I search. hot girls having sex
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