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We were asked what we liked about one another. I rattled off a list of admirable traits, qualities, and behaviors. He said one thing: "She's incredibly kind" To most people that would be perfectly well and good. Except it was the only thing he said and I spent most of our relationship feeling like and being a doormat to his needs, wants, and tantrums. He was never wrong, and I was always saying I was sorry when I wasn't at fault. Bleck. I'm sure that seems really petty to an outsider looking in, but if I ever asked my ex what he liked about me his response was always 'big boobs and green eyes'. And if you're thinking it can't have been that bad, when I suggested we not have contact for a while, he threatened to put my cat down and have my car (which was a gift) towed. I took out some student loans and got an apartment and got my cat. I reminded him that I came in with a car and was going to leave with one. I traded the E ring for the car and that was that. business exec looking for sbassets and deal with SS: One detail you have not covered are ALL THE OTHER ASSETS AND/OR DEBTS of the marriage: Are there other debts? Are they large? Assets like timeshares, cars, boats? What about all the household goods, computers, 'toys'? Those can add up to a very, even as used goods- and THAT can mess with your potential negotiation room big-time if they are not divided somewhat evenly between you. I can think of some options for you to offer 'in lieu' of monthly support 'for the generally granted period', if your goal is to get out from under this relationship and all financial entanglements asap: Let's say the SS post-tax value to her is $ /month for 5 years- that is a lump sum offer you can make of $ K vs paying her monthly. One caveat, figure the tax liability for Fed and State carefully on this, as it MUST be accurate for her status post-marriage AND you want to consider the impacts of it no longer being a reduction in income for YOUR tax status if you do this. What is your flexibility on paying off the mortgage in lieu of support and dividing liquid assets, and then quitclaim the house to her? Remember, only HALF that debt is hers in settlement, the other half is your obligation regardless. Could you pay off both halves from the savings and k shares vs dividing those assets? You've got $ K available there, plus whatever the SS lump sum value works out to. Does that come close? Here's an example: Mortgage and house value $ K. Her half of mortgage $ K, a wash if paid off vs savings/ K split. YOUR half of mortgage $ K, apply $ K est SS lump sum, balance owed $ K. You have now used up your savings mostly but preserved your K, because there's a nasty tax penalty to infringe on that Can you come up with the final $ K to close the deal? don't forget, you need a very current full appraisal done before you you truly run the number on this AND to file it in court. good sex
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