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But we did some SM (which to us stands for Sex Magic). I've written a ritual where we focused on self-healing goals like learning how to experience and accept our "darker" feelings of anger, resentment, regret, etc. in ways and then had sex to raise energy toward our shared goals of success in those areas. We made locket talismans containing some substances used in the ceremony (., candle wax, ashes, cum) and them on the bedpost. One time, he bound me in rope, while in a seated fetal kind of position. He'd ask me a deeply personal question about my experiences with childhood sexual, and stand just outside the door while I considered my answer, sometimes crying alone in remembrance. Then he'd come in and listen to my answer and hold or caress me. Another time, I wrote an entire script with his input, for a weekend scene where his character kidnapped and brainwashed my character, ending in our doing some light cutting and blood-play all as a way to change the association for how I used to cut in the past the same way rape fantasies can give a real-life rape victim a sense of control over what was an out-of-her-control situation. Kinda reverse psychological therapy, I suppose. Chebeague Island sexual encounterI have been separated from my STBX for a little over 6 months. Divorce in is the works, but these things take time (a lot more time than most of us would like, lol!) I am feeling kind of down and lonely this holiday, thinking of how this Christmas I won't be with my on Christmas morning (PLEASE don't start with the 'kid-owner' crap, I didn't have with any of you difo-ers, when the ex and I discuss our, they are referred to as OUR, and sometimes the.) My problem is this, when the heck people STOP telling me that I be 'happier' once I find someone new? I don't WANT someone new (or old,) I just want to be left alone!! Of course I am going to be lonely, I haven't been alone for 8 yrs! There is nothing wrong with being single, and single people live happy lives (I and assume), so what is the deal with everyone thinking that a new SO is some magic cure for divorce/separation? Do these people NOT realize that if I were to enter into any kind of relationship right now it would most likely be doomed to failure? Plus, I have just been burned, so why in the world would I want to get anywhere NEAR any 'fires'? What do I say to these well meaning crazies? I don't want to be rude, or hurt feelings or anything, but sometimes I want to scream at them that they must be F-ing insane if they think I should go out and hunt up a new fling. I almost felt sorry for my BF the other day she told me 'don't worry, you'll meet someone -' and I yelled at her 'I don't want to meet anyone, anytime!' she just said 'oh, well, ummm, how are the?' I am sure that was not the best way to address the situation, lol, so here I am asking for NICE advice from a forum where not ppl appear to be that nice, so I must be stupid, but I don't know who to ask! One other thing, how DOES one meet new friends, if one happens to be broke all the time and have very little 'free time'? swingers meet
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