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But as stated in my above response to F-G, we have two small dogs that we are both attached to and I would never keep him from seeing them. When I think in terms of "deserting" him, I do so because I would not leave our apt- he would. And he would go back and live with his mentally ill, addicted, alcoholic mother. Just being around her would probably send him back into a full-blown relapse that would land him in rehab, jail, or a grave. I don't think I'm ready to make the move that enables that change in his life. I him, certainly, and I do not want to him go down that terrible path. And since he is unemployed, he doesn't have other housing options that I can think of. I know I need to put myself first but I don't feel I'm ready to kick him out yet. I don't understand his decision not to engage in his hobbies.. I think they are anxiety reducing but his depression zaps his motivation and when he can barely motivate to get in the shower, playing guitar or writing music..well, that probably takes more motivation than hopping in the shower. i'm sorry if i made it sound like he has no interest in improving. He DOES want to improve. He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with me, to contribute, to get, to quit smoking, to do all the things he used to to do. He never learned coping skills and being without a good therapist and not being properly medicated, well, that seems to be a big hurdle to learning coping mechanisms. its arab amateur womans friday anyone want to chatrested, alive and happy. for good reason, other than just living in the moment. I the feel of washed sheets, on my bed, the smell of clean clothes in my closet. when i finally bed down for the night, how wonderful the bed feels, i always think " can it get any better than this?" the view i get from my apartment, of the city skyline. walking into a comic book store and smells there. when i finally pick up my guitar and strum it out!! the fond memory of a kiss, or embrace; the gratitude of that having happened ever. watching, darth vader, getting his ass kicked in Return of the Jedi, and Darth Vader, turning back to the good side. eating salad with my fingers. hearing I you from my family, even though, i put them though hell for years. (thats a blessing!!) ladies having sex
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