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having been there, being a single parent is a hell of a lot better than being married and feeling like you're the only parent and the maid. Resentment is such a relationship killer. And when you're in the position of the OP the resentment builds to a level where it feeds off itself. And you do think it's easier to take care of than taking care of and one immature adult who won't pull his weight. In OP's mind divorce is the only thing that make her husband know she's serious about the problems. It was the only way my husband realized once and for all I was finshed with his immaturity, but by then it was too late for us as a married couple. Two weeks out of that house and awway from being resentful all the time and there was no way I would have gone back. I refused to let my be brought up in an environment where women did all the work and men played video games. This marriage is not setting any kind of example for the. With at stake here I'd highly reccommend OP and husband get into counseling, and although I'm not into games, I'd suggest she immediately stop doing everything that isn't necessary for the -'s well being. That means taking care of her husband in any way, shape or form. Hell, if the means are there I'd leave for a week and let him take care of everything, including the. You have to metaphoriy hit these kind of over the head witha 2 x 4 for them to get it's serious business. Part of their immaturity is "oh she doesn't mean that, she'd NEVER leave". That's why divorce happens over what seems inconsequential. I can tell you, it's not inconsequential for OP and it's not about control. Wanting to live in a clean house and have your husband pull his weight and engage with his is not a control issue. Period. He doesn't get it because he doesn't want to get it. it's got to have a serious effect onhis day-to-day life to wake him up. Your raising vs having comment is spot on, but OP need resolution. And a way to lose the resentment that is destroying the family. sex in gaschurn- people who have this discussion confabulate the extremely personal decision of whether or not to someone with the very public, very cerebral, highly academic argument for or against (usually against) marriage in general. And sure the arguments hold water, but I can't help but think that most of the time, maybe even all the time, people live in the public/cerebral/academic space so they don't have to have the uncomfortable conversation about commitment with their term partner or SO. Because check it out none of the arguments hold water. 1. Historical/political grounds don't really matter, because marriage has been everything from an institution of property to an arrangement of convenience to an arrangement made by family to a quick spontaneous trip to vegas to a life commitment made out of. Basiy, if you widen the history window large enough, you'll find a time in which marriage was much anything. So just because marriage was, at some point, something you wouldn't have done, doesn't really make it something you shouldn't do today, generally, if you have the right person. 2. Marriage doesn't make you stay, though. Marriage is simply a stated intention to stay. Divorce happens for a reason and that's because shit happens, things change. Does the presence of divorce diminish marriage? Not really. Lots of people don't get divorced and lots of divorces are for the best. 3. Well. Uh, duh. Of COURSE your partner's happiness and your happiness is important to you. You can be happily married, miserably single, and any point in between. There's no correlation between the two. So your arguments, while nice, really don't make sense as a justification to not get married. It really comes down to the personal, doesn't it? You don't want to that person for whatever reason. And that's okay. Just don't it something it's not a principled position. Personally, I like marriage. I like being able to introduce someone as my wife and have the person I'm talking to understand what that means: stated intended live partner, lover, mother to our, beneficiary, blah blah blah. Without that nice concise label of "spouse" I'd have to explain what she is to me to everyone I meet. And the term pair bonding arrangement is just too darn common not to have an institution for. hot married women wants for men
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