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I heard him open his door and get out, then my door opened. I jerked and kicked at the open door trying to keep him away. I heard him laugh as my right foot hit something, I think it was his leg. He grabbed my feet and pulled them till my ass was falling off the seat and out of the car. His hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me to sit up and then lifted me out of the car. I couldn't stand it. My own mind had me losing my sanity. "Please, please don't do this to me." I had to try. I begged him not to. "Please just let me go." He pulled me away from the car by my arm. I heard the door slam shut. My body jerked at the loud bang. I sobbed under the black cloth. He pulled my arm and I jerked back. I didn't want to follow. I wasn't going to do what this wish. My feet dug into the ground beneath them, refusing to move. I felt his arm wrap around my waist, his shoulder dug into my stomach and he lifted me up off the ground. I was lying over his shoulder. My legs began to kick, but he wrapped his arm around them and held them firmly to his stomach. I arched my back, my head lifting and pointing straight out. "Put me down. Let me go. No don't do this." I was screaming at him now. I was terrified of what he was going to do even though I had no clue. I had convinced myself that the worst was going to happen to my tonight. He walked with me on his shoulder. My cries, plea’s and demands growing louder with each step. He didn't respond; only continued to take me to where ever it was he wanted. I was suddenly tossed down. I landed on something soft. A mattress I would guess. My legs came up under me and I pushed my body back. Only a few feet behind me there was a wall. I pushed up against it and started heading to the right. He grabbed my ankles and pulled them back out straight and then pulled until I was on my back and away from the wall. He then put his hands on my side and pushed me over onto my belly. I felt him take hold of my wrists. He undid the cuffs. He was freeing me. I pulled my arms to my sides and was about to push up onto my knees when he flipped me back over. hot Tamarac fuckingI don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. beautiful people
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