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and hopefully, you use the past to learn and go foward, for a new and blossoming future. The only thing you really can do is go foward (or stand still and and stagnate.) Learn from your past behavior and really become the person she thought you were when you were married. **We never know what the future can bring but I am sure there is something great just around the horizon. Take stock in yourself, LEARN from your mistakes and let her the new and improved person you are becoming. With time and with healing for you both, you actually find your way back to each other. If not, you still find happiness. Sometimes, happiness needs to come from within. Grasp the gold bar and strive for greatness. Attend divorce care groups, your therapist every other day and follow his advice. Start an exercise program (which is an excellent way to combat depression) and focus on friends and family. Join some clubs, and do something you have always wanted to do. Me? I joined a gym, signed up for belly dancing, hip hop dancing, exotic dancing, and a metal detector club (which I have been doing for years), a mechanics class and a muscle car club. There was no one around to tell me NO. I met friends at work and eventually realized one day that I was HAPPY. I even went to a few singles dances but wasn't comfortable. I found a lot of in volunteering when I had time, and just having a blast throwing the toys for the dogs watching them play. Eventually I met someone, and we married but again, I can't tell what the future bring. I suspect another divorce in my horizon, (I have done everything I can but sometimes, divorce happens.) But if it does, I know it is not the end of the world but just a new beginning. Life is CHANGE and change is a huge part of life. Be flexible..learn, grow, and enjoy..a future awaits you. girl swinger college guyI myself am divorced, not by my own choice, but because after 20 something years my ex decided he "just wasn't happy." This has nothing to do with me not being a good wife mother As a working mom, I CHOSE to teach so I could have the same schedule as my and have a flexible schedule as far as taking care of illness what not. I was at every school and extra-curricular event and activity, took on the role of leader and organizer where needed, and did ALL of the things I would have done if I were a SAHM. He and I shared household responsibilities to an extent, but dinner on the table, laundry, and the bulk of the "women's work" were on me. Most divorces I've seen of the 20+ year marriages (and there are far more than you'd think) come when one partner (more often than not the male partner) decides somewhere in middle age that he's missing out on something goes looking for the "greener grass." This idealized notion that once upon a time all women stayed home and took care of their is a media-propagated bunch of crap. That Leave it to Beaver fantasy didn't exist outside of the very wealthy until the s (post WW2 when, thanks to the GI VA loans, the middle class was created). It is an ignorant woman who chooses not to make sure she had adequate education and training to support herself, and her family if need be. My grandmother, born in , worked until she married, but when my grandfather died and she was left with the responsibility of raising her two sons, the youngest a 10 y/o, she rejoined the workforce. She didn't remarry until after both her sons were through college, and worked until retirement age. She was also up, fully dressed, hair makeup perfect, and breakfast on the table every single day of her life. I have two, one of each gender, and I fully expect both of them to complete their post-secondary education and find rewarding careers. When if they, I that the enter into a partnership, not a dependent relationship. If either of them choose to stay home to raise their until school age, they have my full support. Staying home to be the "perfect wife" to a demanding needy husband is, well, a sci-fi movie .ever hear of Stepford? attractive women
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