Risk? If you risk not, you do not, and you will have not. Profound words. Contemplative words. I am not expecting a response from this 'rant'. I just ask that you contemplate my wonderings. I used to be considered a beautiful young girl. When I look back, I was gorgeous. Not too short, not too tall. Long red curly hair, sparkling green eyes, not petite by any means, but toned and fit from years of farm work. I married young, had kids, was a devoted wife and homemaker. Often times I think the last 17 years of my life were a waste, because he finally left me stating he was done with family life and wanted his freedom. Brushed me and the out of his life like we were lint on his shirt sleeve. Little did I know how hard life would be from that point on. My self-esteem went down the drain, because the reality was that he left me so he could be with other women without the guilt of having to come home to a wife and. I had absolutely no job training or experience whatsoever. My were still young and I had no idea how to proceed. Over the lastyears I have managed to raise teenagers, and 2/3 of them came out really really good. I have found a career I love even though I had to clean other peoples toilets for awhile and work at a gas station and wonder what I did to Karma to be living this kind of life to get to this point. Then I realized that if I hadn't experienced any of that awfulness, I would not be the person that I am today. Confident, successful, oddly enough still loyal minded, and ridiculously submissive and mostly naive. Now that I am dangerously close to 40 and my kids are mostly grown and the employment situation is better than good it feels like I am coming out of a fog of sorts. I am still not too tall and not too short (5'6"), my hair is still predominantly red although now it is straight and cut in that middle aged length above the shoulders and beginning to show signs of streaking with startling silver, and am no longer as toned as I remember being even tho Array that sexy guy at the library last saturday nightNew Year's Date
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