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They're a community org local to you providing services and support for queer women in abusive relationships: The Network/La Red: -*** I don't think it's at all extreme to request a transfer from your manager. In fact, if your workplace has more than one location, transferring to an entirely new job site would be even better. It would probably be inconvenient, but it sounds like you're having a lot of trouble with keeping her away from you, which between that and being closeted makes me think going the human resources route wouldn't work for you. That said, if you can't transfer or find another job, the place above could also help you with locale-specific advice as far as what you could do to stay safe in your workplace. I'd especially ask about how to talk to management/HR, and look into support and counseling for learning to stand up for yourself while respecting your need for self-protection. Sometimes those two needs seem opposed to each other, but it's definitely possible to have both. It take awhile to learn how, and you'll likely stumble a lot to get there, but peace and sanctuary within and out lie at the end. As for how to do all that, at heart I think it starts with you deciding you're worth it, and certainly worth living this one life with. Then you'll have a place to start when it comes time to tell your abuser to go away and stay away for good, while taking whatever action you need to completely disengage yourself from them. If studs are your core attraction, there are plenty around who would treat you with and respect. Lying, cheating, and bullying for sex aren't acceptable no matter how anyone identifies. I you'll be able to find what you need to get out of this relationship. Partner in butch/femme relationships does exist, just as it does in any other kind of relationship; just with b/f, some of it tracks along fairly traditional gender lines. Your local support should be of help without trying to pathologize who you are and what you like, and the same should go for the important people in your life. single female in Caldwell Uppsala girls for sex
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