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Couples counseling can't fix this mess. It's not him, it's not you: it's BOTH of you. You have interlocking pathologies. Your boyfriend is not manly. He's psychologiy primitive. No amount of counseling can change the fact that he's not developmentally ready to be in a relationship. He catch up or catch on ten or twenty years from now. Until then, he's still evolving. Or not. You have your own thing going You picked a skittish childish and stuck him past the natural expiration date. You got a problem and I won't venture a guess as to what it is. Suffice it say: you have no idea what a relationship is. Accept reality: it can't be fixed. You can put in a few more bumpy years until you finally wear yourself out or you can cut your losses now. How to break up: Tell him you TWO have been trying for years and still haven't gotten it right. So you're moving on. Then, wish him a nice life and stay the hell away from him. don't blame him. don't rehash the past for the umpteen-thousandth time. REALIZE it doesn't work. REALIZE it sucks to keep getting dumped by an over-sensitive asshat who can't communicate and won't even buy you lunch. When you're TRULY done with him you won't need to point fingers or write a book. You'll be sick of obsessing about this icky, sticky mess.. I'd dump your therapist too. It's ridiculous you haven't received common sense feedback. The absurdity of these theatrics should have been driven home years ago. It's lunacy for you to keep hoping a pouty uncommunicative grow up overnight. handsome still looking for a woman in Charlestownis one of those terms that have been overly used in todays society. It is used so often to validate a persons beliefs after the facts, that I shutter when I hear that term being used. times what is written or told later appears worse than at the time it is said because there is also to be considered the tone of voice and the telltale signs of body language that tell an entirely different story. Taking it out of the context from the situation it was given. However having said that, in your case I believe there is strong evidence that there is emotionally here. What trigger this belief in me were those jokes of physical and the constant comments of your physical attributes. There is still in your relationship. These comments or not be intentional or/and he not even be aware of them let alone their affect on you. What gave me pause was that you were also not aware of them until your friends told you. This could mean that there is no intentional emotional or that you have a low esteem of yourself. You have became more sensitive now because of the influence of your friends' comments as well as those here on CL. He be one of those people that genuinely are simply very attracted to big women, but is also influenced by our society's negative view of "big boned people". An easy example is our of ice cream but then some of us then feel a tinge of guilt so we go to the gym or simple chastise ourselves a little. So before you go back armed with what has been said here and start an argument, keep an open mind and have a quiet talk with him at a neutral time and place. Try not to make it a you conversation but more a me conversation. naughty woman
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