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yes i suppose im just comingout of the in shock phase and am trying to what others have done in this situation and how they have fared etc. i took my wows very seriously "to have and to.. till etc.. "and i shouldnt have. I grew up more conservative i guess and she was a bit more liberal i dont know. i keep trying to rationalize my actions and her actions and i keep coming back to the same odd point. they should have a wedding wow disclaimer sentnce (i have an affair.. blah blah). like i said i grew upwith the standard model of a family "as seen on tv" loving wife, working husband, etc etc. and thats how i was raised. Thats what i expected. Her family was even more conservative then mine. Im glad for this forum and id like to thank everyone who made comments. I appreciate the advice. It has helped me in my resolve on what i should do and maybe a few approaches. I know some have lived through this in one way or another. I dont wish it for anyone its not cool. youre also right "whatsname" about the "ball-less wimp" that thought did come to mind but, im ok with my masculinity. i am strong. I it as more a breakdown of of the trust that i perceived existed, or was led to exist. getting on-the-side is not me, i know some folks could do that easily and maybe itll help them. but then what. i it as becoming an "i did this" and "you did this" argument, would that work, would it level the field of resentment? maybe. i think its going to depend on whether she wants an open marriage or repair of our existing. i think its going to be along road regardless. i was hoping for an emotional train ride with wonderful stops, instead i got the roller coaster ride. One sad tidbit in all of this is that i found out about this in the middle of a family medical emergency. So it was a double emotianal roller coaster in one day. oh well i think just writing here and reading some comments has givenme some strength. take care everyone. old woman se x hom IpatingaPain is weakness leaving the body Pain is a ed out warning Of something or someone Broken, torn, cut, exploded Burned, twisted, rent Smashed, altered, burst Violated. In its whisper there is an of things to come of ourselves of what we really are and who we can become Pain does not forget Pain does not forgive We through a glass, darkly All our daily trances The hunt that becomes the nightly dream A mirror forged by fire gleams Strangely cool to the touch Compact and sweet Something takes a part of you Something takes a part of me Pain is a continuum that rises from apathy to enfold and shape us Once you release it or decide that you can endure it Pain sweep through towns and villages and whole cities transferring itself from one to another its simple code to splice They look upon its face or at least, they try Some Chaos A shadow Maybe some The face of a cold hunger strangely warm to the touch A few , perhaps me or you any of us who still feel Can a pair of carefully folded wings and learn to kneel chat with married people
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