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Culhane: Two stories about families and compromise Culhane By Culhane, Professor of Law, Widener University 8:49am EST Two Stories About Equality and Compromise I. Marriage Commissioners Don’t Get to Choose Once again, the question is asked: “How does the state balance the anti-discrimination imperative against the freedom of religion?” A Canadian appellate court (in Saskatchewan) just provided one very clear answer, in a very specific context. The case involved commissioners who didn’t want to solemnize marriage between – no points for a correct guess – same-sex couples. So the provincial lieutenant governor raised this question before the court: Would it be constitutionally permissible for commissioners to refuse to solemnize marriages based on their religious beliefs? In the alternative, could commissioners who had been appointed before marriage equality came to Canada be grandfathered out of this whole solemnization thing. The court: “No, and…no.” (Story here.) This is surely the right decision. Those who work as government agents should be least able to seek any kind of religious accommodation. As a practical matter civil rights often depend for their enforcement on the actions of lower-level civil servants. To them a veto is to create a “choke point” beyond which the disfavored applicant is unable to proceed. FULL STORY: sex phone Clermont-FerrandIt can't be all one way, or the other nor can it be completely equal. In this area, TRUST and respect matter more than any other. There's bound to be an impasse, no matter what you do. It's those times when one of you HAS to make the decision they feel is best and the other one has to TRUST in that decision and abide by it. You give the power to decide to your spouse, even if you don't agree with it. This isn't so hard to do if you TRUST your spouse to keep your family's best interest in mind. You don't have to agree with his or her decision, but you DO have to trust that s/he is making a fair and just decision. For example, we helped a family member this year with a huge project she needed a ravine cleared of trees, culverts installed, and the whole thing filled in. This required extensive use of a backhoe, chainsaws, crew to help, wear and tear on our equipment and vehicles, risk to life and limb, and $$$MONEY$$$ which neither of us had just lying around. I was deeply afraid for our budget, and argued for the project to be delayed until she could pay for it, or just abandoned (it wasn't a necessity). I could not where we'd get the money. I relented to DH, because I trusted him. And even if the project failed or went bust, I knew he would never risk our own welfare to complete it. Each week, we scrambled to find money for one part or another. We got through it, the job is 70% finished and hold for the, and didn't drive us to the poorhouse, we still eat quite well and stay warm and dry. There are other areas in which DH bends to my, too, even though he disagrees such as maintaining what we need for the house, computer equipment, and managing the weekly budget. It has worked out that he's in charge of the big decisions, and I keep all the mountains of little ones at bay so they don't become big ones. It's a workable balance of power. I don't intrude on his areas of expertise (seeing the bigger picture and planning for the future), and he doesn't intrude on mine (attentiveness to detail, keeping the machine oiled and running smoothly). One reason this works is because we know that trust is earned, not blindly given. We don't just do whatever the hell we want, because we know making a wrong move could damage trust. sex meeting
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