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seeking smart butch soft butch Thanks for the proofreading at no cost to me, haha. I should've stated: Growing up causes of us to internalize the pain and criticism targeted our way by those who have no real stake in our lives. That internalized suppression of embarassment or outrage or sadness hardens when those close to us respond warily to our inherent sexuality or perceived identity defect; a tumor is born after the constant, unwarranted critique becomes too much, most times requiring psycho-therapy to halt its growth and shrink its impact on our individual lives. But when we let that emotional malignancy go without recognition of its negative effects on life, it taints the way we ourselves, obviously, but unfortunately it warps our perceptions of those around us. It's like a world where you always believed (and were taught) that pixie dust is the magical ingredient in gasoline that runs our cars. Your reality is skewed and skewered and leads to paranoia towards most things once the wool has been from your eyes about the ridiculous lie given to you about real life from people in all circles. The last paragraph of my initial rant was poorly constructed. But now given a second shot at it, I sense more how difficult it is for people tormented by inferiority complexes set in effect over years of unhealthy feedback about yourself to cope. You aren't the right gender or are damned with the wrong sexual tendency or display too much or too little skin pigment drumming up criticism about your core identity inextricably tied to your personality and the lens through which you view life. I guess if we stop hating ourselves, singularly, we have a better to treat others in this world acting as innocent bystanders to our lives with respect and kindness and some civility. Hate yourself, bottle the hurt, refuse to examine the emotional handicaps within and you'll be the next person to prompt someone like me to rant, digress, and rant some more about the subtle things humans do to tear down others. Addendum: Christ, thank you for braving that stream of hypothetical thought. I think I needed to clear a blockage or something.
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