Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array looking for sex in Bucklin MissouriSubmissive girl would like older mentor. No sex. Just friends. Does this sound strange? I am on leave and an very bored. I am looking for an older gentleman or daddy figure to just be friends with. Maybe go get lunch or coffee. Or just go lay by a pool. I'm free all weekend. I'm in a relationship but he is gone all day, all my fried work. I'm having issues with my bf and would like a mans perspective. I'm 24.I am a bbw. I'm very cute, very shy. Memphis east indian guy looking for a friend male female
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1) UFOs do they exist? Have you ever seen anything in the sky that can't be explained? I don't think so, but surely I could be wrong. No. 2) Any memorable museum or gallery exhibitions you've been to? My god, my first trip to Abq (when I fell in with it) included a trip to Roswell, NM. That was the strangest place I swear. Driving down the main street, we were just amazed by all the alien/UFO commercial aspect. Very strange. 3) Do you believe in an afterlife? I guess so. 4) If you have to travel somewhere you haven't been to before are you good at finding your way there,whether driving,cycling,walking or using public transport, or do you lose your way easily? Usually I'm good at getting around in a new place, I've traveled enough to get good practice. I was never abducted in Roswell!! :) bbw dating Worcester
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