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When I was 15 I started dating a fellow who was 18. We were together for almost 5 years. We find really interesting ways of creating security for ourselves. Emotional security can be in the form of keeping ourselves away from the things that scare us sometimes we get creative doing this. For the first year or so after I came out to myself, I was crushing on one of my bi friends. She was not interested in me romantiy, but I kept on crushing. When I finally got involved with someone (and that didn't work out) I realized that my intense term crush was really about keeping me out of the dating pool, because I wasn't ready to date even though I knew I was queer. So I didn't give myself the option, I focused on this woman I couldn't have. a LOT of " dykes" fall in with straight women same thing. the woman is unattainable, and therefore a safe place to put their feelings. So with that in mind I understood my high school relationship with W. He went off to military school and I remained in high school, so our relationship was distance most of the time. It was intense and emotional and a really great way to distract myself from myself and from my bi friends, who were available and much all sleeping together which the hell out of me. I spend a lot the first 25 years of my life being. So there I was, intimidated by the possibilities, so I created this safe situation by taking myself off the market and bearing this torch for a guy who loved me, but lived his life in a manner that put me as a lower priority. I was wondering if any of that struck a chord with you. hot women having sex woman seeking friend and more
just to add something to the mix here. :) While reading your posts, (which are always so articulate and thoughtful, by the way) what came across first to me is you are a THINKER. So, maybe the key to developing those social relationships that would allow for you to be friends first would be ACTION sorts of things while expanding your circle. Let me explain. It was easier for me, as someone that lived in my head A LOT, to maintain a friendship with someone I was attracted to by getting involved in something physical not just social/chatting stuff. Much to my husband's chagrin, who happens to be an amazing cook, I never took that cooking class but that could be one if you wanted to keep things light. Martial arts is another one my girlfriends would always scoff until I convinced them to come down to the studio I trained at for years and they met fantastic guys from all walks of life and just TRY looking all sexy and cool with sweat beads pouring down your forehead. :) That actually helped my perpetually-with-the-wrong-guys girlfriend make lots of guy friends one of whom, a dentist, introduced her to the guy for her. Fantastic story, really. In a nutshell, she was sweet, smart, cute as a button but really jaded when it came to guys and just having a dojo with "brothers" (who were protective and full of friends/advice) was a particularly healing experience for her. She ended up marrying the guy and now they both train at that studio. Super cute. If something more cerebral and cause oriented is your idea of action, I did get involved in humanitarian causes that were dear to my heart and that has a way of engendering friendship while still keeping focus on something besides romance. One in particular, a shelter for teenage runaways, was where I found a friend that I eventually dated for a year or so. Great guy. We weren't right for each other term but we are still friends today. There's my.02. you find that friends first situation. They are INFINITELY better. Should the relationship end, it generally ends on a MUCH more positive note. Oh! And the sex is better too well YMMV. :) college student looking for a real womanYou seem to be saying that because she does not now, or never did, like certain sexual practices, he shouldn't like them either. For example, you say it's "GOOD" that he accepted minimal oral sex from the beginning, because she doesn't like it, even though he does. Why should only one partner have to compromise? I would say that each person's preferences are valid, and that there is a real possibility that the two people always were, or have now become, sexually incompatible. We can debate the importance of sex to a happy relationship, but clearly, sex matters to this. He writes that he has been making more and more sexual compromises. If she wants him to stay, it's time for her to make some compromises of her own. horny wife
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