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Can I be in this relationship without fully expressing and exploring my sexual desires? this drive for kink and downright fucking be something I can make peace with when it has ALWAYS been present in my life? When the weight of his world be so great that I do not arouse him anymore at all? Can that happen? I know it can for women so why not men? Our time together is one of the truest expressions of my feelings for him what if that goes away? And damnit I am (36)! Am I selfish to want this so? So any feedback. Any advice from older gents. And yes he is on Cialis but also a High Blood Pressure med. Never in a million years would I dream of being with another while with him so getting kink somewhere IS NOT an option. In a round about way it is about kink so no haters, please. nsa today i can host laid back and hornyWhen I first came out I was told I had to do anal. It was part of being. I tried being a top but that didn't work. A guy on all fours or on his back with his legs spread did nothing for me. He looked like a girl and I'd already had sex with women when I thought I was straigt. When I decided to be a bottom I'd read to slowly work on my ass with small toys and then larger ones. Foolishly I did that all the while thinking how stupid it was. An ass is tight for a reason. Bottoming was a nightmare. I tried it quite a few times with experienced topss, cleaned myself out, he lubed, I lubed. It was not hot at all, and I felt like an idiot getting in female sex positions. I felt like a girl. All I could think of was when I came out how people would say I was because I wanted to be a girl. Not true. I felt his cock on my prostate but it wasn't pleasurable at all. I developed chronic diarrhea and then some internal bleeding. I was losing weight. I was so embarrassed and humuliated to go to the doctor. I didn't go until a friend recommended a friendly doctor. I had internal tears and infections that required multiple courses of antibiotics. I slowly healed without needing surgery. As humiliated as I was I explained everything to the doctor. He's an older and understood completely and explained in simple terms that my ass and no ass is made for penetration. I kind of already figured that out. He said anal was something that wasn't very popular when he was but as the 70's progressed more men did it because they thought they had to and they were rebelling as well. He lost friends to AIDS. He warned me about HIV which I knew. I didn't know about the anal cancer/anal sex connection. That was an eye openener. Anyway, I'm anal sex free and glad to be. I had a scare and I'm not going back to that dark place again. Unfortunately I now have two friends who are HIV poz. They're doing okay but I wish I could turn back the clock. dating divorced women
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