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" Better not say that or she might get depressed." Actually I think a more accurate description was "better not say that or she might get angry". But he was like that with everyone, NOT just me. Always calm, always held back, always repressed. I married him because I needed stability and I saw what he did as stable. I was too to recognize that withholding one's emotions (even from oneself) is not a sign of a person. You know like those who go postal all at once? "You really want to focus on your spouse behavior and not on your own." No, I've BEEN focusing on my own ever since then. But omitting the look at him and who he was/is has hindered my healing from the divorce, to some extent, because I still him in the perfect image he presented instead of what was hidden underneath. in my mind, I know he wasn't. But in my heart, he still holds that image because of how I was treated by him. He was deeply codependent, care-taking and enabling and my heart still wants to believe he loved me, even though evidence is that those behaviors were to control the relationship. " You just keep trying to justify you breaking your vows" AGAIN NO! IT WAS WRONG!!! I would never advise anyone to do that. It was a stupid mistake on my part. And I don't it as a mistake ONLY because of the effect, but because it was UNLOVING and that is ALWAYS a wrong choice. Okay? Apparently I have to keep repeating that to each poster. "How is it you can be together that and not mature?" Because my independence vanished slowly but surely under the pressure of illness, depression and a husband who's idea of marriage was to serve in all ways possible. Have you heard the expression "- with niceness"? It's rare, but it happens. Someone takes care of every little problem in your life until you can no longer handle any problem yourself. Most of it happened while I was ill (gastric problems, panic attacks, vertigo). People mature when they have to face difficulties. He kept me from facing the difficulties even by lying to me. I knew he lied just not to me. And you seem to put forth the idea that one spouse having an affair means it's okay for the other one to have an affair without leaving the marriage. Is that really what you meant? not sexstrong hands wanna give a free massage or exchange
an old fable about 5 blind men and the elephant, or something to that effect. When each is asked to describe their limited grasp of perception on this huge creature before them, they each give details relevant to their own narrow range of perception. Each differs from each other. Yet each one is right. And no one with a differing perception is wrong, just because it didn't match someone -'s. I I described that clear enough to convey the general concept of respect and tolerance for differing people's viewpoints on life. Myrtle Beach moms want sex-people who identify as bi based on but have never had a same sex relationship I know someone like that who is very apolitical and it only takes a few experiences or relationships to politicize an identity but it does take a few. I've had a few bad experiences as a bi person including one involving physical violence that make me realize there is a double standard even though I still benefit from it. I read an essay that suggested the double standard ( the glaring inequality in the way our relationships are valued and the way we are treated) is actually something that fires up some openly bisexual activists. If you think of people like Califia or Rockway there's a demand for equal treatment that could be seen as a positive side effect of straight privilege or straight entitlement. You experience the way straight people or straight relationships are treated and the disparity makes you angry and then you demand the same treatment all the time. It could go both ways. The ability to pass and unequal treatment might make some people want to pass to get the better treatment. But it might also drive other people to demand equal treatment no matter what. That's why I'm skeptical of identity politics. Because the experience of being perceived as having different identities ( bi people, trans people, gender conforming or "passing" people) might in some cases actually politicize some people even as it makes others apolitical. single and wants
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