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It can't be all one way, or the other nor can it be completely equal. In this area, TRUST and respect matter more than any other. There's bound to be an impasse, no matter what you do. It's those times when one of you HAS to make the decision they feel is best and the other one has to TRUST in that decision and abide by it. You give the power to decide to your spouse, even if you don't agree with it. This isn't so hard to do if you TRUST your spouse to keep your family's best interest in mind. You don't have to agree with his or her decision, but you DO have to trust that s/he is making a fair and just decision. For example, we helped a family member this year with a huge project she needed a ravine cleared of trees, culverts installed, and the whole thing filled in. This required extensive use of a backhoe, chainsaws, crew to help, wear and tear on our equipment and vehicles, risk to life and limb, and $$$MONEY$$$ which neither of us had just lying around. I was deeply afraid for our budget, and argued for the project to be delayed until she could pay for it, or just abandoned (it wasn't a necessity). I could not where we'd get the money. I relented to DH, because I trusted him. And even if the project failed or went bust, I knew he would never risk our own welfare to complete it. Each week, we scrambled to find money for one part or another. We got through it, the job is 70% finished and hold for the, and didn't drive us to the poorhouse, we still eat quite well and stay warm and dry. There are other areas in which DH bends to my, too, even though he disagrees such as maintaining what we need for the house, computer equipment, and managing the weekly budget. It has worked out that he's in charge of the big decisions, and I keep all the mountains of little ones at bay so they don't become big ones. It's a workable balance of power. I don't intrude on his areas of expertise (seeing the bigger picture and planning for the future), and he doesn't intrude on mine (attentiveness to detail, keeping the machine oiled and running smoothly). One reason this works is because we know that trust is earned, not blindly given. We don't just do whatever the hell we want, because we know making a wrong move could damage trust. discreet black dk for u ladiesand I can why. You did make a commitment, and now you're looking for a way out. But maybe you just need to re-frame your thinking. You're experiencing burn-out. She probably is, too. What you need is a release valve. Some balance between your needs and your responsibilities. And I think that's entirely fair, and doable. If you and your wife are both working full-time, I think it's entirely reasonable to cut back on your overtime. I do not feel it's reasonable on your wife's part to demand that you work overtime. Does she work an extra 10 hours a week? Do you expect that of her? Would you demand it of her? Would she comply, if you did? Perhaps you two need to sit down and discuss where cut-backs could be done. As someone posted, things like cable, cell phones, take-out food and other such extras could be eliminated. You could also take some online or evening classes while working full-time. People do it all the time. Do your military benefits reimburse for college classes? If not, Pel grants and scholarships can defray a large portion of tuition costs. Student loans are always an option, and they allow a low interest payback. This could also help fund some of the extra care of your special needs. It require a great deal of time and effort, but if it's what you feel you need, I don't think it's fair of her to deny you this. And have that support adjusted. That's just plain ridiculous, especially for a special needs. interracial sex on the beach
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