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When I find my girlfriend getting stressed about the lifestyle we end up living (two PhD students don't exactly have a lot of money, and there's a lot of uncertainty about what kind of jobs we're going to get once we graduate), it's usually because I haven't been giving her enough positive attention of other kinds, haven't been drawing her to look at what we have that is wonderful. So I have to remember to focus my efforts on her directly , not indirectly. I have to stop worrying about what I do for her one day, or what kind of job I might get down the road, and just be sure to her, to ask how her day is instead of launching into how mine was, to really focus on her. I think of it as getting outside of myself, putting my energy into the world, not myself. It's amazing how doing this just an hour a day makes the relationship way more wonderful, and makes her (and me) way less stressed. It's not hard, either, it's just about really paying attention and focusing on her , not on what I am thinking. Listening. Neither one of us is really money-focused, but it's still easy to get stressed about it. Drawing strength from what we really enjoy is the quickest way to be excited with what we have and eager to do it more. It isn't about what I can promise one day. It's about what we both have right here, right now., dreams, books, ideas, friends. And being content in the moment makes things more likely to happen in the future, because most people like to be around a confident, content person and opportunities open up that way. horny Truckee female and their dates
Shit or get off the pot is good advice. I think I’ll just get off the pot. There are no temptations. Only engraved desires from habit of being with someone. I’ don’t need to communicate anymore with the one woman. She fell for me and I can’t have a LTR with her. So that is over. It’s not fair to her to be friends when she wants more. As for the other one, I really think she is LTR material, but until I’m ready for that, I don’t need to communicate anything but friends. You’re right, it’s torturing myself and forcing me to shit where I eat. friends firstthen maybeOur sex life at home. Well it’s not bad for the most part. When I started cheating, and while I was cheating, we were having the best sex of our lives. And a lot, we have sex about twice a day. But never any less than 4 times a week. So obviously I didn’t cheat on him because I needed more sex. But since D day he has really put the pressure on me to have sex with him even more. Like I said I have been giving him EVERYTHING he wants since D day and that includes sex. But now it’s almost forced sex, I clearly am not enjoying it but it doesn’t stop him. If I say no he just replies with “Okay then in the morning”. Have I created a monster? Underlying issue: My problem with him is that he is the most selfish person I have ever known. He is always thinking of himself, doing things for himself all the time. I feel like he has no consideration for me what so ever, not just since D day. In, before D day I had a break down, had a conversation with him on how I was feeling and what I needed from him to make me happy again. I asked for consideration, I need him to appreciate me and all that I do for him. By giving in to his every whim to smooth things over for the wrongs that I have done I think I have only boosted his need to be selfish. How do I get out of this mess??? My few friends who know the entire back story are being supportive of me, they don’t blame me for cheating and have actually said they were surprised it took this. They haven’t told me straight out that the marriage is over but they aren’t saying I need to work things out with him either. hot womens
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